what if
after i cried and
the door slammed
and sirens stopped
and tubes
threaded down
my throat were
wormed into veins
if crevices were
given up to
your hands that
do not love me

after tongues
like steel
tug of latex and
lysol sheets
light, tight as
swaddling

what if suddenly
THANK YOU CHRIST

i can not love you more
than i have loved you
for i have loved you long
and held your love so dearly
in my heart of hearts but now
my eyes have opened
to find my heart in mourning

and when the first bird
sings outside my bedroom window
he sings a sorrowful song
for you have found me lacking
though i can not understand
the how and why of it
and yet my love for you
was gentle and long suffering

It is mid spring as I drive by
this clear and tumbling foot hills creek
and stop before the bridge so high
dismount my truck to take a peek

This stream which many call a river
runs to white descending waters
as if it is afraid to dither
on its way to final resting quarters

Now is the time which in riffles run
above the heads of quiet pools
white sucker fish spawning in the sun
they lay stacked up like utter fools

I dance to melodies both bright and swift
diminished only by the rising sun
and yet, within the swirl where chances sift
I struggle with my smile when song's begun.
I stumble when my dreams and heaven meet,
as "fancy free" and quicker dancing feet
will join the dark to scribe my written word,
and blend its voice to song of mocking bird.