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Authentic expression
Yahoo! Woohoo! Yeehaa!
The yobbo checks furtively,
to make sure everyone can see,
he is having fun.
Editing stage:
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Comments
Rula
Sat, 2013-12-21 22:21
hello jess
I understand where this is coming from, but don't you think that"furtively"- which means to do something quietly and secretly, contradicts with the foĺlowing sentence ( to make sure everyone can see)? Maybe 'regularly'
But I'm a bit sick so perhaps it's only me.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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weirdelf
Sat, 2013-12-21 23:40
Observe people closely.
Many people copy others to have fun, grieve, express sadness or sentimentality. If you watch closely you will see they have no authentic emotions. They copy other people.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Rula
Sun, 2013-12-22 01:24
but each of us
experiences these things in one way or another. This is something humane, therfore, we needn't to copy as you imagine.
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weirdelf
Tue, 2013-12-24 06:27
Oh, this is not as cyical as it might sound,
there is indeed compassion there. In times of strong feeling we often just don't know what to do or say.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Roscoe Lane
Sun, 2013-12-22 04:30
We are alone,
We are alone most of the time but we were meant to live in a group, only man's selective morality etc keep us apart. So i can see where we would copy each other when coming together, look at a pack of distressed Apes they all have similar actions. So when in a group we'd want to see the groups reaction to our emotions. Good poem Jess, Regards Roscoe..
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
weirdelf
Sun, 2013-12-22 04:58
I intend to explore this theme in future poetry.
Some emotion is deep and valid, some is Kardshian crap.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
weirdelf
Sun, 2013-12-22 05:06
I am reminded when a Neopoet magic whale
flounced into the chat room demandin a moments silence and prayer for the victims of the Haitian earthquake. She was an inauthentic human being, only wanting to demonstrate what a good caring Christian she was. A phoney.
I told her if she believed in an interventionistic god then pray for him to stop causing catastrophes in the first place.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Esker
Mon, 2013-12-23 12:35
i relate to your bitterness
but i know a belief is beyond just the pain anger and fear....
an american expression is love
is Sh*** Happens
expecting a greater source to create for us
a perfect existance would not have allowed
creativity.....our great painful existance
and we are mirrors fakeness or not
i understand this
people throw our anger too and its fake
in our faces to each other
disdain
arrogance
and truth happiness too
thats stunning
stops me in my tracks
one of my favourite books was of a girl
from california raised in a room from birth
i suspect..a window and a dog outside
the backyard
its a famous case
not raised by wolves even
a true window to what we are
stripped of almost no input
language comprehension music
arrives by four they said
from studies
im not a doctor psychic
and a poet only
today i am struggling too
with the world
but i am leaving each electric fence
put up by myself
or others
and walking through to a wider
realm
not all reflections are battles
although i want to challenge them
all
but i do understand.....
thank you..
weirdelf
Tue, 2013-12-24 06:20
and thank you
although bitter is perhaps not the right word.
I just find it a bit phoney
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Ian.T
Mon, 2013-12-23 13:34
Jess
If you listen carefully you will hear the can of worms opening lol.
Loved this in my solitary yobbish state.
Then noticed they had turned their snobbish backs on me.
Take care young Elf you may be sitting on the wrong toadstool.
Yours as always, Cryptic Joe.
.
Have a great few days extra off La La
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
eightmenout
Tue, 2013-12-24 00:39
Hey Jess
Very interesting piece. Much said with few words.
Scott
Scott
weirdelf
Tue, 2013-12-24 06:06
ta Scott
that's what I like to do.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Geremia
Tue, 2013-12-24 06:01
In the true nature of Martial
In the true nature of Martial : the irony of the antithesis "furtively....see'' is the heart of this piece.""
As for God et al, we each try to find a way to get through our humanity and the fear of the unknown. The "hypocrite"' is the one who has failed at his choice but persists just the same, All form, no content,
at the risk of rustling those Aussie feathers, I will say,
Christus tecum,,my friend, and a peaceful new year
Joe
weirdelf
Tue, 2013-12-24 06:12
I'm a very direputable bird
my feathers are often rustled. Not in this case, however, I am feeling un-flustered and at peace with the world.
Thanks, my friend.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
swamp-witch
Sat, 2013-12-28 07:30
I think
it is very interesting that you chose fun for this example of "authentic expression". I usually see people do this (look to see if others are watching) with anger, pain, fear, embarrassment, and other similar emotions. I guess it is normal to be self-conscious when you're demonstrating emotions that people are usually taught to hide or emotions that don't fit polite society's idea of appropriate. Then again, too happy or too emotional in general is typically also frowned upon in social situations that demand "inside voices" and things like that.
I know this isn't exactly what you're talking about. This poem is more about the narrator wanting others to know that they are in fact having fun (regardless of if they are or not), as if the social situation requires a lot of emotion, instead of the opposite like I mentioned above. What do you think about all this? Do you think it's weird that we feel as if we have to fake smiles (or hoots and hollers) just to make other people more comfortable or to avoid being judged negatively?
PS: I like the brief length and the clarification the title provides. The pace makes me want to read this as an ABBA rhyme instead of an ABBC rhyme, though. If you decide to work on it, you might consider starting there.
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scribbler
Sat, 2013-12-28 22:54
Hi Jess
I assume a yobbo is some type of loud bird in Australia. I would never have thought to use a single word (furtively) to connect the action of people and birds. But then I Do tend to ramble on and on in my poetry with no idea when to stop rambling on and on ....like this comment lol.......BTW a great example of a perfect word (furtively)...........stan