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Be Mine (proposal)
YOU might not be
as pretty
as some singers
nor shiny
as Hollywood stars
I might not be
as rich as Gates
nor genius
as Einstein
But I want to be yours
and you to be mine
Editing stage:
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Comments
Ian.T
Sun, 2012-12-23 10:40
Rula
I can't sing very well but the intelligence is ok, I thought I asked you not to talk about it yet lol.
This piece of yours needs a little work the theme is good, though the execution is not so good, the flow using those names didn't work, the Gates caused a problem there are a few more rich one to choose from that will fit the bill, then you could find two that compliment each other.
Take care young Lady and know you are in our thoughts, Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Rula
Sun, 2012-12-23 11:52
Ian
interesting comment. when I composed this, an image inspired. I am not sure what other names might be less problematic as no structure is intended here. it is intended to be free more than structured though it rhymed by the end.
Would appreciate some suggestions.
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judyanne
Sun, 2012-12-23 12:07
yes i like this rula
simple and effective
some might say hallmarky,
- but elite hallmark i'd say
:)
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
Rula
Sun, 2012-12-23 12:42
Hello Judy
elite Hallmark .
I think I'll start a business.
Would you share me? 50-50 :)
No offence intended
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judyanne
Sun, 2012-12-23 12:31
lol
depends on if it's a typo on your behalf
50-5 or 50-50 ??
:)
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
Rula
Sun, 2012-12-23 12:44
percentage
Corrected ..Will you now
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judyanne
Sun, 2012-12-23 12:54
absolutely xx
absolutely xx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
Rula
Sun, 2012-12-23 14:51
:) Mark!
Have you ever read my profile ?
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Rula
Sun, 2012-12-23 15:08
Mark
either I misunderstood your comment or you misunderstood my piece .
Don't worry. I am so happy you've dropped by, enjoyed the lines and left the comment .
Have a nice day...
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Rula
Sun, 2012-12-23 15:10
sorry
duplicated
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Rula
Sun, 2012-12-23 22:48
my apology mark
a misunderstanding from my end as i said.Appreciate your words and the clarification :)
Thank you
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scribbler
Sun, 2012-12-23 18:40
Hi Rula
You know I don't do much free verse so my opinions about them don't count for much. But I read over this 3-4 times and couldn't find anything I'd change...........stan
Rula
Sun, 2012-12-23 22:53
hi Stan
for me every comment counts and i know you'd not spare to offer any
Thank you
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Nordic cloud
Mon, 2012-12-24 08:09
Sweet story. Love Ann.
Sweet story.
Love Ann.
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
Rula
Tue, 2012-12-25 08:19
Anna
The full story isn't written yet, just a proposal for marraige though it is nothing of my culture, I liked to try something as inspired by a picture as I said to Ian . Hope you are well
Thanks for dropping by .
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