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To see your face once more

today we say our last goodbye
forever in our hearts
forever in our mind
it's hard to grasp it's hard to find
another like your kind
your words soothes like freshness
beyond the skies where our borders cross
my eyes filled with tears
a memory of laughter
so soon you left this world
free from torture free from pain
staying any longer what will be the gain
losing you left a painful stain
today we say our last goodbye
filled with grief so much sorrow
i won't see your face
when i open my eyes tommorow
i will smell the fragrance of paradise
seeking to rise no more
devoured by your loss
you left us to mourn
but waiting for a time to be reborn
to meet again to see your face
once again you are in a restful place

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
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Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem effectively communicates a sense of loss and longing, using evocative language to describe the emotions associated with saying goodbye to a loved one. The repetition of "today we say our last goodbye" at the beginning and middle of the poem creates a circular structure, reinforcing the theme of loss and remembrance.

However, there are a few areas where the poem could benefit from further refinement. Firstly, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm or meter to enhance its musicality. The current rhythm is somewhat irregular, which can disrupt the flow of the poem and make it less engaging for the reader.

Secondly, the poem contains several typographical errors ("too" instead of "to", "lost" instead of "loss", "wating" instead of "waiting") that detract from its overall impact. Correcting these errors would improve the poem's readability and allow the reader to focus more on its emotional content.

Lastly, the poem's imagery could be made more vivid and specific. For example, instead of saying "your words soothes like freshness", the poet could describe a specific instance or memory that illustrates this quality. This would make the poem more concrete and relatable, enhancing its emotional resonance.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

What a sad and yet glorious rite. I loved the whole poem and the last three lines were the best, to me. Great job and good luck! Don't worry too much about neo, just do your own thing I think it's great! John

Our dreams lost! Lost on an ocean of turmoil! Soon a solution will arrive! Until then I will write!

Good day i thank you for your feedback it means a lot to me and I'm still learning new methods and styles but again thank you❤❤

author comment

Hello, Mustafah,
I feel the longing and the grief, but also the acceptance and peace in the final lines. Tender words from the heart.
Thank you, and welcome to Neopoet.
Lavender

Thank you Lavender
I'm happy that you feel that way
And my words can inspire and motivate you thank you again❤❤

author comment
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