The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem effectively uses metaphors and imagery to convey a sense of loss and longing. However, there are areas where the clarity and coherence could be improved.

1. Consistency in Metaphors: The poem uses a variety of metaphors, such as "kidnapping time," a "bulldozer ramming into the heart," and the heart being an "escalator for enemies." While these are vivid and interesting, they seem unrelated to each other, which can make the poem feel disjointed. It might be beneficial to choose one central metaphor and build the poem around that.

2. Clarity of Message: The poem seems to be about loss and longing, but there are parts that are unclear. For example, the lines "Are these words too real? / Call my maker; / maybe he can / let you reassemble me" are intriguing, but their meaning is not immediately clear. It might be helpful to revise these lines for clarity or provide more context around them.

3. Use of Dialogue: The use of dialogue in the poem ("They say, 'Be strong.' / Where do they sell / some of that?") is effective in conveying the speaker's feelings of frustration and despair. However, it might be more impactful if it's clear who is speaking these words. Is it society? Friends? The speaker's own thoughts?

4. Structure and Pacing: The poem's structure and pacing could be refined. Some lines are much longer than others, which can disrupt the rhythm of the poem. Additionally, the poem seems to jump quickly from one idea to another, which can be disorienting for the reader. It might be beneficial to slow down the pacing and develop each idea more fully before moving on to the next.

5. Conclusion: The ending of the poem ("Somebody above / is alongside me, / whispering, 'I’m holding you / a little bit more tonight.'") is poignant and provides a sense of comfort and hope. However, it might be more powerful if it ties back to the central metaphor or theme of the poem in a more explicit way.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Your title for this poem will pass as a working title, but it deserves a better title. I think it is an excellent poem, as it is a study in pain. I am intrigued by the thoughts and actions of your "enemies." And how you seem to stay a step ahead of them. I concur, it is a lonely path you walk. my favorite lines are:

I carry on walking
through dark tunnels
with no way out.
Somebody above
is alongside me,
whispering, “I’m holding you
a little bit more tonight.” (I would change this to read "a little bit closer tonight")

*hugs, Cat

Bittersweet!
I thought this could make more than one poem
The wish to be given some few minutes to tell those that we loved what we needed to say. Oh! So true!
"What would it cost him?
Sixty minutes, to
tell them a lifetime
of things I never said"
As I said, you might like consider trimming this to at least two pieces.

So many great thoughts there. Just chose the ones that hit a cord.
Thank you for sharing!

Hello, Paul,
Your writing of late is so full of raw emotion - I've enjoyed reading what seems to be very personal feelings. Thank you for sharing.
L