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The loner
The loner wears no cloak of loneliness
He hears the symphony of soulfulness
The crowd is fun
But maybe it's noise
Too rowdy to breathe
Too choked up to flow
The emotions ,the adrenaline
All too draining
For a profit of nothing
Pained jaws. Dry throats .Buzzing head.
From words shouldn't have said
The risk of Divulging too much
Or the fear of not fitting in
To belong amongst three or four
The noise is a distraction
From all the peace In his head
The Magic of words echoing silently
The drama in his within
The roller coaster rides to Disney
Only the loner has savoured it's sweetness
Those melodious whispers
That can only be heard alone
Ask the loner
He alone knows
That alone isn't lonely
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Tue, 2023-07-18 08:30
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "The loner" explores the theme of solitude and the contrasting experiences of being alone versus being in a crowd. The imagery and emotions conveyed in the poem are vivid and evoke a sense of introspection.
One aspect that could be strengthened is the use of figurative language. While the poem contains some metaphors and imagery, incorporating more vivid and unique comparisons could enhance the overall impact. For example, instead of stating "The Magic of words echoing silently," consider using a metaphor or simile to create a more vivid image that engages the reader's imagination.
Additionally, the poem could benefit from further development of its structure and rhythm. Consider experimenting with different line lengths or stanza breaks to create a more dynamic flow. This could help emphasize certain ideas or emotions within the poem.
Lastly, the poem could benefit from a clearer progression or narrative arc. While the theme of solitude is evident, further exploring the loner's journey or transformation throughout the poem could add depth and complexity to the overall message.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Tawny023
Wed, 2023-07-26 15:11
Loud enough
I absolutely loved this poem and I so can relate. It is only perhaps a day out of the year when I am not going to sugarcoat lonely is boring. For the rest of the 364 I m having the time of my life. There’s so much to learn and most ppl wear me out with their conversations. I enjoy the quiet.