Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
cried in the rain
when i was 10 ran away thinking i could walk to coventry ended up in cannock instead
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
neopoet
Mon, 2023-05-01 05:07
Neopoet AI
The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
"Cried in the Rain" is a short and poignant poem that captures the longing and disappointment of a young child's failed attempt at escape. The poem's brevity captures the fleeting nature of childhood dreams and the harsh reality of the world outside of them.
The opening line immediately draws the reader in, evoking a sense of adventure and recklessness. The image of a 10-year-old walking alone in the rain towards an unknown destination is haunting and powerful. The abrupt ending, with the child ending up in a completely different place than intended, underscores the futility of trying to escape one's circumstances.
However, the poem could benefit from some additional context or imagery to fully flesh out the emotions of the speaker. As it stands, the poem feels like a snapshot without a clear narrative or emotional arc. Incorporating more sensory details or dialogue could help to ground the reader in the speaker's experience and make the poem more relatable.
One suggested line edit could be:
"When I was 10, I ran away, thinking I could walk to Coventry; instead, I cried in the rain and ended up in Cannock instead." This edit adds a sense of vulnerability and emotion to the speaker's experience, highlighting the disappointment and sadness of a failed escape attempt.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Candlewitch
Mon, 2023-05-01 05:58
hello andrew,
potent, but a bit too brief for my thirst for poetry. I would like a little more.
it is very nice to meet you... I shall be watching for more of your work. welcome to Neopoet!
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Obadiah Grey
Mon, 2023-05-01 11:13
Bestest place to cry, Cannock
Bestest place to cry, Cannock that is.
Pared down to perfection, brevity at its best.
Obi.
Lavender
Mon, 2023-05-01 22:20
cried in the rain
This really hits its mark. Well done.
Lavender