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Fix
FIX
You said I was an injection to the main vein
the hit that exploded in your brain,
Liquid in intensity
Just the scent of you intoxicated me,
I tasted your skin upon my tongue
And I was flying
When I saw you the other day, the emotion surged
And knocked me sideways
I’m yours.
I’m addicted, I need my fix
Have to feel you flow through me
taking over ‘
Got to have that high,
Crave that buzz
Need your love
But you have betrayed and
Left me to suffer the
Shivers and shakes of Cold Turkey.
I need my fix
I’m stressed and I’m strung-out,
Need to zone out
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
Roscoe Lane
Tue, 2011-01-25 11:57
What an,
What an emotional poem, only things i'd do different are. Third verse, first line, and second line.
When i saw you the other day, emotions surged
Knocking me sideways,
I'm yours.
Sixth verse first line, and second line.
But you betrayed,
Leaving me to suffer the
Shivers and shakes of cold turkey.
Still a tremendous poem whether you change it or not. Regards Roscoe...
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
lou
Tue, 2011-01-25 12:34
Hi
Thank you I'll look at what you have said.
Loi
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
Candlewitch
Tue, 2011-01-25 12:14
Dear Lou,
You write as if you truly know the pains of addiction to another human being. I know it to, but a very long time ago. The affair dragged on for almost three years on and off again. I was the one who finally ended it with the lie: "I've found someone else!" How wonderful it is to be free of that addiction! And you have reminded me of how lucky I am to be married to someone I love who doesn't rip my heart out. Fantastic piece! Loved it all!
love, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
lou
Tue, 2011-01-25 12:40
Dear Cat
Unfortunately I haven't found the cure to my addiction, yet ,but I'm glad you liked I
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
mand
Tue, 2011-01-25 12:19
Hi Lou
You inject such passion into your poems, I can almost feel the emotional roller coaster.
Well done Lou
Keep it up
Love Mand xxxxx
Hooded Stranger
Tue, 2011-01-25 13:08
Lou
Lou,
I am so pleased you posted it. The addition of the negative side is awesome.
Turkey - has a 'E' in it by the way...I should have sent you that dictionary after all! Lol!
The last stanza does it for me...a great ending. I would have made it shorter and punchier :
I need my fix
Stressed and strung-out,
Need to zone out
but that's just me...brilliant...despite the reasons behind why you had to add in the negative half.
regards,
HS
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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.
lou
Tue, 2011-01-25 13:40
HS
HS
what would i do without your hawk eyes LOL !!! Answer i'd have messy poems lol.
The inspiration for this one wasn't nice as you know, but i'm quite pleased with the poem.
Happy that you like the poem
lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
ziggy
Tue, 2011-01-25 15:21
hi louise
I feel you have hit the spot with this one
all has being said above, not an easy write
but a worth while one , well worded ,,,,,,,,,,zigs
I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.