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Chequered path
In the labyrinth of darkness
i script white spaces between black ellipses
on these cobbled thoughts I walk
some hurt others soothe
till somewhere in between those oohs and aah
I'm tranquil
come dawn
I re-tread the alpha beta omega.....
Style / type:
Free verse
Last few words:
I am aware this may not appeal to many and very likely it may not conform to any poetic norm which is absolutely ok...so I am open to the harshest criticism because this one is written only to salve my craving to write something ...ideally I would have preferred this one to have no title but the rules here do not permit it hence the chosen one .. period
Editing stage:
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Comments
Rula
Thu, 2015-04-02 15:17
raj
seems like a description of a life experience. Loved the imagery there.
The last line went over my head though some would like the dark touch there. It's probably only me.
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raj
Thu, 2015-04-02 15:19
Rula
Thanks for your time and read.
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
lovedly
Thu, 2015-04-02 21:47
is it some
workshop stuff raj_sublime
raj
Fri, 2015-04-03 14:53
Lovedly
Thanks for your visit and time Workshop? NOOOOO.
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
judyanne
Thu, 2015-04-02 22:23
love it!
Great free form Raj
The symbolism is really good - I especially love the 'cobbled thoughts'
And the concluding stanza is a gem
I wish I had written this
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
raj
Fri, 2015-04-03 14:55
Judyanne
Thanks for your visit & time.
Best regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
mand
Sat, 2015-04-04 03:48
Hi Raj
I love the imagery of this one - this one "to me" is deep and needs more than one read - but the effort is worth it! ( I like the title too )
Love to you
Mand xxxx
raj
Sat, 2015-04-04 05:15
Hi Mand
Thanks for your time and read
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
wesley snow
Sat, 2015-04-04 17:17
I told you so.
Your poems receive positive attention and suggestions. Like mine.
I liked the poem. I understood the poem, but like Rula I'm confused about the last line. Is the subject focused on a mind exercise as part of a ritual?
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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raj
Sun, 2015-04-05 02:37
Thanks Wesley for your time
Thanks Wesley for your time and read.
Wishing you and your beloved Happy Easter
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
Sparrow
Sun, 2015-04-05 04:39
Raj
It is hard to write about Alpha and Omega without a more lengthy piece to carry the thread, I had a Chequered Path once as I was a pawn in the game of life lol.
Feelings spread over the far ends of being and a being over the far ends of feeling, I wrote this short piece a long time ago, if you see what you can get lost in, (Feels like answering a question with a question:-
.
There in infinity dwelt a silence of a void
The void with its glow, pulsed Alpha and Omega
Here is where man in his limited ways cannot be
For infinity has no place for time or things like man
The glow pulsed for an instant, was this infinity
Born of the voids of timeless distance and space
Infinity stirred pushing, pulsing, spreading outward
Once again pushing itself into the birth of being
Filling the eternal void as it exploded outward
Further it pushed into being, there was the light
Spurred on by its release into the short eternity
So once again Alpha reached out its hand for Omega.
Take care young traveller, talk to you later,
Yours Ian
.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti
raj
Sun, 2015-04-05 04:50
Hi Ian
Thank you for your time, read and response. I liked your poem.
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
Sparrow
Sun, 2015-04-05 04:53
raj
I hope all your family are Ok, and that you can rest this weekend, I shall return this evening late, way past your dreamtime so enjoy the rest of today, Yours, Ian.
.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti