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A Look At Life
The long shadows engulfed the world
as the night arrived, accompanied
by the Lady Moon and her glittering stars.
In the silence, I looked at the fabric of my life,
moments that have shaped my identity,
a journey riddled with long and short trials
testing me until I bloomed in maturity.
I saw past follies when I was young and naive,
thinking that I could face the world on my own,
only to learn despair waiting at a corner
mocking me with his crazed laughter.
I witnessed again my triumphs against hardships
with the strength of a family's love
which have spun miracles in reality.
Their hopes have lifted me to heights
I have never dreamt to achieve
I felt the reign of my self-doubts,
halting me in my ascension
and caused me to fall in disgrace
with my pride flowing as waste.
I heard my parents' soothing words
and my sisters' cheer as I rose again.
Blessed by their prayers and their belief,
I have been born again.
As I closed my eyes tonight,
I embraced joy and relief,
knowing that if my life ends here
i will never regret the years
I have lived.
Comments
mand
Mon, 2014-09-08 08:39
Hi Alid!
A nice piece of nostalgic writing here! A reflection of harsh lessons learnt and a deepening appreciation for family love and support. ( Title is just right too ). This one feels like a free write with a few rhyming stanza's - unusal but quite effective!
Remembering that I am no expert - I think you have a couple of grammatical ajustments to make - so I've taken the liberty of going through your poem and making the adjustments.
( so that it's all in the same tense - assuming I havent got it wrong ).
I have highlighted the adjustments in inverted commas - ( please ignore if you don't think they are right )
Perhaps having another opinion other than mine would be of help!
Anyway - nice poem full of lessons learnt. xxxx :)
Love Mand xxx
Long shadows engulfed the world
as the night arrived, accompanied
by the Lady Moon and her glittering stars.
In the silence, I looked at the fabric of my life,
moments that have shaped my identity,
a journey riddled with long and short trials
testing me until I bloomed in maturity.
“I saw past follies from when I was young and naïve”
thinking that “I could” face the world on my own,
only to learn despair waiting at a corner
mocking me with his crazed laughter.
I witnessed again my triumphs against hardships
with the strength of a family's love
which have spun miracles in reality.
Their hopes have lifted me to heights
I have never dreamt to achieve
“I felt the defeat of my own self-doubts”
halting me in my ascension,
causing me to fall in disgrace
with my pride flowing as waste.
I heard my “parent's" soothing words
and my sisters' cheer as I “rose” again.
Blessed by their prayers and their belief,
I have been born again.
As I closed my eyes tonight,
I embraced joy and relief,
knowing that if my life ends here
I will never regret the years
I have lived.
alidzain
Mon, 2014-09-08 12:26
Hi Mand!
Thank you for the feedback and corrections. Appreciated it very much.
Alid
mand
Mon, 2014-09-08 12:40
No problem
Glad to be of assitance! :)