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I just wanna…:;( Blakkout)
In the depths of night, when darkness reigns,
I just wanna blakkout, release these chains.
Let shadows dance and whispers grow,
A symphony of secrets only I know.
Blackout the noise, the chaos, the fear,
Embrace the solitude, let it draw near.
In the realm of shadows, I find my peace,
Where shadows linger and silence doesn't cease.
I just wanna blakkout, fade into the night,
Where dreams are wild and stars shine bright.
In the cover of darkness, I am free,
To explore, to create, to simply be.
So let the world fade to black,
As I wander, lost in the night's deep track.
I just wanna blakkout, lose myself in the dark,
And find the fire that lights my spark. In the shadows, where secrets lie,
I just wanna blakkout, let my spirit fly.
Beyond the confines of the known,
In the dark, my true self is shown.
Blackout the noise of the mundane,
Embrace the mystery, break free from the chain.
In the depths of night, where dreams are born,
I find solace in the shadows, no longer torn.
I just wanna blakkout, become one with the night,
Where possibilities are endless, infinite in sight.
In the cloak of darkness, I find my power,
To create, to explore, to bloom like a flower.
So let the world fade into obsidian hue,
As I surrender to the night, feeling anew.
I just wanna blakkout, lose myself in the deep,
And awaken to a realm where my soul can keep. In the realm of shadows, where mysteries dwell,
I just wanna blakkout, bid the world farewell.
In the blackest night, where fears subside,
I seek solace in darkness, where truths reside.
Blackout the chaos, the noise, the storm,
Embrace the silence, where my soul can transform.
In the depths of oblivion, I find my release,
A sanctuary of shadows, a haven of peace.
I just wanna blakkout, let my spirit roam free,
Where the night whispers secrets to me.
In the obsidian expanse, I am reborn,
A phoenix in the darkness, no longer torn.
So let the world fade to midnight's embrace,
As I delve into shadows, in search of grace.
I just wanna blakkout, lose myself in the unknown,
And find strength in the darkness I've grown. In the cloak of night, where shadows play,
I just wanna blakkout, let my troubles sway.
Beneath the canopy of stars above,
I find solace in darkness, a realm of love.
Blackout the chaos, the stress, the strife,
Embrace the stillness, the rhythm of life.
In the deep abyss of the night,
I discover peace, a pure delight.
I just wanna blakkout, lose myself in the night,
Where dreams take flight, in the absence of light.
In the realm of shadows, I find my release,
A sanctuary of serenity, a place of peace.
So let the world fade to a velvet sky,
As I surrender to darkness, no longer shy.
I just wanna blakkout, in the quiet embrace,
And find renewal in the shadows' grace.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Fri, 2024-04-05 19:40
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem effectively uses repetition to emphasize the speaker's desire to "blakkout" and find solace in the darkness. This repetition also helps to establish a rhythm that carries the reader through the poem.
However, the poem could benefit from a more varied vocabulary. The words "shadows," "darkness," "night," and "blackout" are used frequently throughout the poem, which can make the imagery feel repetitive. Experimenting with synonyms or related concepts could introduce new layers of meaning and keep the reader engaged.
The poem also tends to tell rather than show. For example, the line "Blackout the chaos, the stress, the strife" tells the reader what the speaker wants to escape from, but it doesn't show the reader what that chaos, stress, and strife looks like. Using more specific, concrete imagery could make the poem more evocative.
The poem's structure is somewhat inconsistent. Most of the stanzas have four lines, but some have five or six. This inconsistency can be distracting for the reader. Consider revising the poem to have a more consistent structure.
Finally, the poem's punctuation is inconsistent. Some lines end with a comma, some with a period, and some with no punctuation at all. Consistent punctuation could improve the poem's readability.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Candlewitch
Fri, 2024-04-05 14:26
hello Blackout SK,
this poem must be turned into a song! it is so very lyrical. I can hear the minor chords of a guitar... & a sax my favorite lines are:
Blackout the chaos, the noise, the storm,
Embrace the silence, where my soul can transform.
In the depths of oblivion, I find my release,
A sanctuary of shadows, a haven of peace.
I just wanna blakkout, let my spirit roam free,
Where the night whispers secrets to me.
In the obsidian expanse, I am reborn,
A phoenix in the darkness, no longer torn.
by the way... it is very nice to meet you! welcome to Neopoet!
*hugs, Cat & eddy styx
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Blakkout SK
Fri, 2024-04-05 14:36
Insight appreciated
Thank u I appreciate it
author commenttyro
Fri, 2024-04-05 15:33
The poem seems mostly about
The poem seems mostly about tunning out the confusions of ordinary life, to tune in more fully to the spiritual nature we all share.
I delighted in your couplets, they gave so many ways, and directions to view the main theme. The rhymes were good, and the rhythm smooth for the most part.
Nice poem
T
The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight
Lavender
Fri, 2024-04-05 18:03
I Just Wanna...
Greetings!
Welcome to Neopoet! An interesting poem, especially as an entry to the "Waiting In Line" contest. Wonderful imagery, and, I must say, I'll probably think of this piece the next time I am waiting in a long line. Zone out chaos, and embrace tranquility. Very nice. Eager to read more of your work!
Thank you!
Lavender
Mark
Fri, 2024-04-05 21:54
Hello Blackkout
Repitition can be a good poetic device and I read your poem. It is well constructed but long for me. You could have said it in fewer stanzas. Oblivion cannot be found but us poets have an amount of creative license.
Good read,
Mark
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Clentin
Fri, 2024-04-12 09:18
I loved your poem, nice
I loved your poem, nice imagery. I wanted to see how it relates to waiting in line. Maybe I missed the point