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The Answer

Submitted by Race_9togo on Sat, 2010-11-06 13:00

Afterwards
as we lay touching,
enjoying the slow cooling
of spent ardor
and shared pleasure,
you gave me the smile
that puts the gleam
of mischief in your eyes
and asked the question:-

would I prefer you
as a younger woman?

The asking of it
doesn't bother me,
for such inquiry
long ago became expected,
revealing the depth of
what you feel for me.

Would I prefer the fumblings
of young eagerness bereft
of experience?

Would I prefer the doubt
of helpless love returned
in full by another?

would I prefer the poverties
of our first years together,
the minefields of unknown belief,
or having no understanding
of your needs?

I speak no words,
I pull the warmth of quilt
from you,
put hands and mouth
upon your almost
unendurable beauty,
and begin to answer.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Comments

Rett

Sat, 2010-11-06 15:18

Rett's picture

What did you think of my title? The title worked for me very well.
How was my language use? You language use was good. Well chosen words w/o getting esoteric.
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing? Very good.
How does this theme appeal to you? It speaks volumes to me since I am working on the 36th year of marriage.
How was the beginning/ending of the poem? Very good.
Is the internal logic consistent? The logic is consistent throughout.

My personal thoughts on it is that it speaks from the heart yet with great thought given. Would I really want my wife to be younger? No, the roadmap of our love, our life and our children are written upon every inch of her body making it all the more dear to me. Well done sir.

Respectfully,
Rett
"If all printers were determined not to print anything till they were sure it would offend nobody, there would be very little printed. " Ben Franklin

Race_9togo

Sat, 2010-11-06 21:22

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Thank you my friend,
It was in my mind - blame pugilist, it's his poem that put the thought there, heehee - to write a love poem without sentiment, syrup or the word "love", thus this little write.
How true your words are; the lives of men such as we are orbits defined by the suns that are our women, and the life they agree to share with us.

Thanks again, for reading and enjoying.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

Race_9togo

Sat, 2010-11-06 21:28

Race_9togo's picture
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"Reeks of love"
lol I love that!
Yes, I guess it does.
And I suppose that you are right, my question is the same as "does my bum look big in this?"
I have to tell you, that is not a question that I would answer with words either...because if true the answer hurts, and if it isn't true then it's a lie; neither are conducive to a good relationship!
Heehee.
Actions really do speak louder than words, after all.
;)
I am so glad that you enjoyed this so much.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

Race_9togo

Sat, 2010-11-06 21:33

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Yes, but then...it is easy to be in tune with what Rett says...it's that usual Texan down-to-earth common sense, you know?
Yes, you are right, it is a shame that the younger generation don't share this kind of love...but they can, as they grow older, and I've always believed that the love I have for their mother is one of the most important things I can show my children. Because they will want such a thing in their own lives, when they are grown.
I am glad that you enjoyed my poem, Rosina.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

Race_9togo

Sat, 2010-11-06 21:43

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I left my computer for a brief while this afternoon. While I was away, my wife awoke and wandered into my tiny office, looking for me, and instead found my poem on the screen.

My Gods, how I love this life I have.
heehee

Thanks again.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

judyanne

Sat, 2010-11-06 23:49

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just so real-to -life-love
that's how it is.... we grow old together and maturity brings contentment

throughout this write i felt contented...
i adore your answer.... speaks so much more than words.

so well done
love judy
xxxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Race_9togo

Sun, 2010-11-07 03:39

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I so love doing these pieces, I think because I get involved in the writing of them so deeply, and then, when I lean back and look, I find myself surprised by the result.
I am glad that you enjoyed this.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

magics02

Sat, 2010-11-06 23:55

Hello Race

This is a wonderful write written of your love and your soul for your wife. Very descriptive in nature and you did it with class and zeal:) I really commend you for this one as it touched my very being, your words.. I give you 100 stars friend

magics mona:)

Race_9togo

Sun, 2010-11-07 03:40

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Thank you so much for the kind compliments.
and 100 stars...my goodness!
Your enjoyment gives me much pleasure.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

Ayaz Warith

Sun, 2010-11-07 01:54

To me this was a very real write and especially the title was very suitable. I loved the whole thing behind this poem.
Regards
Ayaz

Race_9togo

Sun, 2010-11-07 03:42

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I am pleased beyond words that you have enjoyed it so much.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment
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