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My Shattered Dreams
My shattered dreams
With scolded folds,
Conecrate inside me,
Terrified night.
In desolation, I am left
Soaked in water from head
To toe. My heart etched in
Retention anguish, a tormented
Soul on the loose. Formation of
Age. My torture never ceases.,
Bidding begun. My soul cries for relief.
There is. . . .
No relief for shattered dreams.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Pixee
Wed, 2011-01-26 07:35
Hello Yenti
I am so glad you to hear from you. i thank you for critiquing
my poem. Coming from you means a lot ,you have a lot
of experience in critiquing than I. It is great to hear from
you. Read you later.
Friends,
Pixee
author commentPixee
Wed, 2011-01-26 07:37
Hello Lonnie
I am glad to hear that you liked my poetry and that it put
out the message I wanted it to. I thank you for taking
time to critique my poem. Read you later.
Friends,
Pixee
author commentmand
Wed, 2011-01-26 07:51
Hi Pixee
You truly are a word smith. I love the expressions you use. As Lonnie said dark and delicious.
My shattered dreams
With scolded folds,
Conecrate inside me, Wonderful
Love Mand xxxxx
Pixee
Wed, 2011-01-26 08:21
Hey Mand
I thank you for critiquing my poem. I put myself into
all I write. They are an extetion of my sadness, and
depression I live every day. Thank yoy Man. Read
you later.
Friends,
Pixee
author commentraj
Wed, 2011-01-26 08:07
Hi Pixee..
this is the first time i am reading your poem and what i read is very expressive of a torment..mysterious though it is about what was the dream about which was shattered...
warmly...
raj (sublime_ocean)
Pixee
Wed, 2011-01-26 08:24
Hey raj
I thank you for reading my poem for the first time.
I am glad that it didn't let you down. I let my pen
write at will. My mind racing and my pen follows.
I hope to be apart of neopoet for many years to
come. Thank you again. Read you later.
Pixee
author commentPixee
Wed, 2011-01-26 08:32
To All
I hope to write poems that are touching to as many
if not all the poets on neopoet. I am proud to be
here with all of you!
Pixee
author commentRoscoe Lane
Wed, 2011-01-26 08:56
I say welcome,
I say welcome, you and your poems will be a great addition to neopoet. Regards Roscoe. Sorry, and your poem is great.
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
Pixee
Thu, 2011-01-27 08:53
Hello Roscoe
I am happy you enjoyed my poem. I will try to
keep up the good work. Thank you for responding.
Pixee
author commentKailashana2
Wed, 2011-01-26 09:14
Pixie, lots of good stuff in
Pixie, lots of good stuff in your poem. Especially the lines quoted by others.
Since *shattered dreams* is in the title, the first line and the ending line, I think it loses its effectiveness. Would you consider "there is none." as the last line?
"Bidding begun. My soul cries for relief.
There is. . . .
None."
Imo, that solidifies, like a dead weight.
~A
Pixee
Thu, 2011-01-27 08:57
Hello K
I hank you for commenting on my poem. It
means a lot to have you do so. You write
wonderfully yourself. I read them but I don't
comment on them like I should. I will do
better this year. Thank you again.
Your Friend,
Pixee
author commentziggy
Thu, 2011-01-27 17:23
hi there
hi there having read your poem title I had to come and read
I like you style and the darkness that's there
"My shattered dreams
With scolded folds,
Conecrate inside me,
Terrified night. " ,,,,good one I like it ,,,,,,,,,,,zigs
I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.
Pixee
Sat, 2011-01-29 09:01
Thank you Ziggy
I am glad you liked it. It is always a privilage
to have you comment on my poems. It helps me
to be a better writer. I was hoping this one would
get a good response. I am glad that I have gotten
some poets to comment on my poem. Thank
you again. Read you later.
Friends,
Pixee
author commentweirdelf
Wed, 2011-02-02 01:48
I see you are "not actively editing"
but conecrate is not a word. As Ian suggested, concentrate? or consecrate would be quite delicious.
I also thought Anna's suggestion was excellent.
Also I feel the section
Formation of
Age. My torture never ceases.,
Bidding begun.
reads like a list, spoiling the flow.
Otherwise I thoroughly enjoyed this, excellent imagery and effective use of enjambment.
Got to say your replies to comments read a bit like a template. Are you really listening? I hope you are well,
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Pixee
Wed, 2011-02-02 06:56
Hello Wierelf
Nice to hear from you. I appriciate your critiquiing my poem.
It is always a priviallege to have some one like you to comment
my poem. I will read over it and work on it . And resumit it.. And
See what you think of it then. Thank you for you time. Read you later.
Friends,,
Pixee
author comment