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Silence
The silence of a thought
Creeps within one’s mind
Of having been forgotten
By a lone soldier
Once a passerby.
Now so known, in the vast universe
Without time and space restrictions
Bears the burden on one’s heart
Why this intoned silence
We live miles apart
But in each poet's heart
Strings a vein of symphony
And
Then we ease in an admiration
Hopeful perhaps
The one is still remembering,
Albeit!
It’s a hope only
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
loved
Thu, 2011-08-11 17:29
all along i was awaiting
your response
i shall never forget you ever,
what ever may go wrong ,
for you are
also were
and always shall be
my saviour
i know that .....
loved
author commentGeezer
Thu, 2011-08-11 19:00
I was...
intriqued by the title of this poem, and so decided to give it a look. I have read it a couple of times and feel the loneliness in it. You are never alone, just remember that you have us here at Neo. I don't think you need all those commas at the end of the lines. There is a natural pause at the end of them. ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
loved
Thu, 2011-08-11 20:46
Thanks a great deal
The poem is a note to a soldier
who has chosen to remain silent,
for more than its due.
Most of the commas have been removed
.Hope it makes a better natural read now.
Thanks for passing by
loved
author comment