Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
ONE STEP MORE : updated
PUSHING ONE STEP MORE
Now I must rest my weary head
For if I push myself much more
come morning they will find me dead
my brain fevers , i grow cold
I need to lay my body down
or I will soon be 6 feet
in the ground.
my bones ache , my muscles lock.
my brain fevers . I grow cold.
the sickness strikes deep
into my soul.
and so to rest my weary head
lay myself across the bed
close my eyes and look to sleep
for if I push one step more
by morning they’ll carry me
two feet first
out the door.
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
scribbler
Sun, 2011-11-27 18:45
Hi Joe
A few ideas for you:
l-1 Now I must rest my weary head
l-2 for if I push myself much more
l-3 come morning they will find me dead
l-7 trade comma for and
l-8 my brain fevers and I grow cold
just a few alternative in describing the weariness of extended pain..........stan
Geremia
Sun, 2011-11-27 19:12
TERRIFIC. WILL DO. THANKS/
TERRIFIC. WILL DO. THANKS/