Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

MY DANCING THOUGHTS

Submitted by Eduardo Cruz on Wed, 2011-08-17 09:23

The Mediterranean pales at the beauty
Of the exquisite pleasure of seeing
Your undeniable features
Eyes, lips, and skin

Your dark hair shining
Like the moon reflecting
Upon the sea, which takes away
The breathe of those who see

The song that is your voice
Stops the heart
With flights of fancy
Creating pictures in a fevered mind

You are the dream of many
But few can hold
For you are a rare gem
That can’t be bought or sold

I gaze at you from a distance
And even that captures my very soul
I am lost with words that dance
In my head trying to explain.

This is just a dream
Made of thoughts that can never be
For I am just a humble slave
Of the beauty which I see.

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Last few words:

I wrote this for a friend who is in love, but does not know how to approach the woman. I gave him this after he explained how he felt, then I wished him luck.

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Comments

Candlewitch

Thu, 2011-08-18 10:16

Dear Eddie,

Although the whole poem is elloquently beautiful, these lines stood out:

I gaze at you from a distance
And even that captures my very soul
I am lost with words that dance
In my head trying to explain.

This is just a dream
Made of thoughts that can never be
For I am just a humble slave
Of the beauty which I see.

All I can say, is that you are one hell of a good friend!

always, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Eduardo Cruz

Sun, 2011-08-21 00:00

Cat

he just told me how he felt (Jeri) and I wrote it down. Wow as I am writing you this something hit me.
I'm Cerrino the Burgerrac, is that crazy LMFAO!
thanks Cat your a friend also.
Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

scribbler

Thu, 2011-08-18 12:02

Hi Eddie

I appreciate you writing a poem about me but line 5 should be "your bare pate shining" as I'm bald roflmao..Whoever did inspire this is a lucky woman............stan

Eduardo Cruz

Sun, 2011-08-21 00:04