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Flames
Sometimes I feel the flames
surrounding the form around,
make me dwell in moments of ecstasy
then devour me
as in consummation
Life’s just a flickering flame
worth seconds only
ere the flame blows
wow,
all is lost in the moment
of once having been
a being,
like a scorching feeling
petals or wings of butterflies feel
ere they are consumed…
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
William Saint George
Fri, 2012-03-09 10:26
A fiery death? That is all I
A fiery death? That is all I see here.
"Life’s just a flickering flame
worth seconds only
ere the flame blows"
Reducing life to "just a flickering flame" is quite depressing to me. Not awful, just a bit depressing. I also got lost in the metaphor. Did the flame get consumed by another flame? What does the flame represent in this poem, Life or Death?
No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot
http://www.wsgeorge.com/
loved
Fri, 2012-03-09 10:51
It was just a figment of mind
It was just a figment of mind
life is so uncertain
so we must enjoy it
to the hilt ...
even if one is consumed by the flame
or ends up after consummation
either way
let life present its magnificence
each one to him/herself
to hold a view of life ...
as deemed fit
thanks for passing by
your maidencomments are meaningful
loved
loved
Fri, 2012-03-09 10:52
It was just a figment of mind
error duplicate
loved
Candlewitch
Fri, 2012-03-09 11:25
Dear Loved,
Suggestion:
with these lines:
then consume me
as in consummation
It might sound better to use:
then devour me
as in consumation
as you have used three forms of the word consume.
This poem is very dark. I like it!
always, Cat (& eddy)
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
loved
Fri, 2012-03-09 11:31
thanks Cat ur wonderful
you do have a helping
and
discerning eye,
great for a fellow Neopoet
loved