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ACCOUNTS

Submitted by Esker on Mon, 2011-07-04 15:08

place your markers
the bets
like no gaurantees
with fingers crossed
all the filligree of time
like lace etched

we wander in our trails
sweet in histories breaks
like hot tea and cold showers

while bitterness falls like
a welcome rain
this obsession
so brand new

wound about you

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

CCfire

Tue, 2011-07-05 00:39

CCfire's picture

In the first stanza 'guarantees' rather than 'au' as you have. :) This is very soft and somewhat cliched toward that softish ending but the emotion grabs you and in poetry that is often written about someone or for someone then I assume it's fine because that person is the important reader anyway.

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

Esker

Tue, 2011-07-05 02:18

Esker's picture

I had two minutes left on time at the library
writing four people and chatting with one
listening to cover versions of Stone Roses
"I wanna be adored" a soft and surreal
rock ballad from somewhere back in the
eighties I hammered this poem out
the person written about doesnt read
these I'm almost certian But one person
whom knows me well reads these
There are so many interactions vivid
and appealing some full of mystery
and some with superstition
all that makes the lustre more charming
that dazzle intense like a fallen star
chalking the nights obscurity with thick
reason

Thank You for commenting CC Fire

author comment

Esker

Tue, 2011-07-05 15:20

Esker's picture

but it took off eventually
maybe if I just dropped the front
half of the poem
Man I never hardly alter any of these
but I guess I should start
Thanks for the effort in having a good
look at this

author comment
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