The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "When it Rains" effectively uses vivid imagery and personification to convey the dual nature of rain as both a life-giver and a potential source of destruction. However, there are areas where the poem could be improved.

1. Consistency in Metaphors: The poem begins with a beautiful metaphor of raindrops being compared to beads from a maiden's waist. However, this metaphor is not consistently carried through the poem. Consistency in metaphor usage can help maintain a cohesive theme and enhance the overall impact of the poem.

2. Punctuation and Syntax: The poem lacks proper punctuation, which can make it difficult for readers to follow the intended rhythm and flow. For example, the line "Smile on every thirsty soul" could benefit from a comma after "Smile" to clarify the intended meaning.

3. Clarity in Expression: Some lines could be rephrased for clarity. For instance, "What if accompanied by it's violent friend" is somewhat ambiguous. If 'it's violent friend' refers to a thunderstorm or wind, specifying this could help the reader better understand the image you're trying to convey.

4. Rhyme and Rhythm: The poem seems to lack a consistent rhyme scheme and rhythm. While not all poems need to rhyme or follow a strict meter, having some form of structure can help guide the reader through the poem and enhance its musicality.

5. Use of Abstract Concepts: The final line "Bringer of gain and vain" uses abstract concepts that could be more effectively conveyed through concrete imagery. Instead of 'gain' and 'vain', consider using specific examples or images that encapsulate these ideas.

Overall, the poem has a strong thematic core and uses compelling imagery. With some refinement in the areas mentioned, it could be even more impactful.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact