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Juno Beach (updated)

Submitted by Candlewitch on Wed, 2024-10-09 12:06

The First Canadian Army
taking out Juno Beach was tasked,
solemn in their duty were they
then ready, when each man was asked.

On June sixth 1944
German forces occupied France.
With the transport mine sweeping,
Navy bombardment took a chance...

Canadian infantry squad
seized the airport taking control,
to me, each man was a hero,
those who fell. as war took a toll.

Juno Beach had been defended
by the 716th forces.
German's were smug in their holdings
with Panzer support keeping courses.

Canadian Armored Brigade
swept the beach then traveled inland,
take out the railways, grab the lines
taking control of all on hand!

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
written on More styx notepad
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Wed, 2024-10-09 18:10

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Juno Beach (updated)" provides a historical account of the First Canadian Army's actions during the D-Day invasion, specifically focusing on the capture of Juno Beach. The narrative is clear and the events are presented in a chronological order, which aids comprehension.

One area for improvement is the rhythm and meter of the poem. The lines vary in length and syllable count, which can disrupt the flow when read aloud. Consider revising the poem with a consistent meter to create a more rhythmic reading experience.

The poem could also benefit from the use of more vivid and descriptive language. While the events are clearly described, the language is quite straightforward and factual. Incorporating more figurative language, such as metaphors or similes, could help to evoke more emotion and paint a more vivid picture of the events.

Lastly, the poem's punctuation could use some refinement. There are some lines that end with a comma, while others do not. Consistent punctuation can help to clarify the structure and meaning of the poem.

Overall, the poem does a good job of recounting a significant historical event. With some refinement in rhythm, language, and punctuation, it could be even more impactful.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Rula

Fri, 2024-10-11 15:43

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Another historical piece. I have nothing to say but expressing much fascination of your historical information.
Well done!

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Candlewitch

Sat, 2024-10-12 06:49

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I have one more "beach" to post then I put them all together and post. I hope I see their connectivity. I will be glad to be done with it, to tell the truth. I got way too close to this horror in history!
love, Cat

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