Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
The way back (new title and revision)
Show me the way
back to your heart
Tell me how
to make love last
Give me a hint
of how I should start
So you’ll understand
what I want to share
Let me be
the light in your life
Show me the switch
that turns on your heart
Point out to me
which is the way
Please, take my hand
and lead me there
Let my broken heart
find love's path back.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
User login
Author information
Region & Country
New York City, N.Y. Spanish Harlem
Favorite Poets
P. Neruda, Jose de Diego, E. Dickenson, R. Frost, there are many more, but these had the greatest influence...
Comments
magics02
Sat, 2011-04-30 20:31
Nice Eddie
Nice job and no nothing to crit. This is written from your heart and these words do not impart. Good job NY!!
Blessings
Mona
Eduardo Cruz
Sat, 2011-05-07 19:37
thanks!
Sweet Ballisima.
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentraj
Sun, 2011-05-01 06:52
Eddie..
lovely innocent appealing heart calls...perhaps you may want to change the last two lines for more smoothness without losing the essence...just a suggestion..
P.S.: In line 13 you may want to correct the spello from "too" to "to"
raj (sublime_ocean)
Eduardo Cruz
Sat, 2011-05-07 19:40
raj
your right on the correction , it's a direction.
Thank you for the read my friend.
eddie C.
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentNordic cloud
Sun, 2011-05-01 07:25
Wow we all would like our partners to ask that.
Wow we all would like our partners to ask that wouldn't we?
"So you’ll understand what I want to share"...I think I would say here just 'I want to share drop the what!
"Show me the switch that turns on your heart" ...however banal it might sound I think the turns-you-on is .....? In the context.
Does your partner have roads, its not the most endearing avenue to the heart or making love perhaps?
Then you repeat this word hard tarmac comes to mind, perhaps another word for this, like way, is softer or...
And there's more road to trudge!! You see what I mean Eddie?
Love from Ann.
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
Eduardo Cruz
Sat, 2011-05-07 19:45
Ann
Again your helping with my poem, again I say thank you sweet Ann.
If you don't ask how will our partners know. I am of the opinion that what is not said is lost in time and what is said will last an eternity.
Eddie C.
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentEduardo Cruz
Sat, 2011-05-07 19:47
Dear Sweet Shirley,
thank you for the "stunning theme".
OXOX
Eddie C.
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentscribbler
Sun, 2011-05-01 09:48
hello
At first I thought the lines a bit chopped, but then realized that was done on purpose. A lot of emotion packed into each short line...............stan
Eduardo Cruz
Sat, 2011-05-07 19:51
Stan
If I got pass you, then I'm good with this write. Hahaha!
thanks Buddy!
Eddie C.
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentjudyanne
Sun, 2011-05-08 11:04
lovely write eddie
full of emotion
i like the sometimes rhyme - it adds to the wishfullness of the poem
one little thing
'find loves path back.' - (love's - possessive noun)
i really like
'Let me be
the light in your life
Show me the switch
that turns on your heart'
- simple and sweet and full of longing
love judy
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
Eduardo Cruz
Sun, 2011-05-08 19:22
judy
thanks for the correction.
When I wrote that particular stanza, It just came flowing out of me, I looked down at it and thought this is just what I wanted to convey. I am happy you liked that one, because to me that one is the heart of the poem.
again thank you!
Eddie C.
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentNordic cloud
Mon, 2011-05-09 14:05
Oh I like it now Eddie That's
Oh I like it now Eddie That's better, happy now, Love Ann
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
Eduardo Cruz
Mon, 2011-05-09 16:24
Ann
thank you for the help.
Eddie C.
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentEduardo Cruz
Mon, 2011-05-09 16:26
Lonnie!!
yeah, that's kind of it a chance at a fresh start.
Eddie C.
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author comment