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Nature of Lover

Submitted by mark on Sat, 2024-03-09 14:26

The sun, appears huge, sets on the flat African horizon,
Painting the sky with fiery hues, a mixture of burning passion.
I feel a surge of emotion, comes from nature, mother nature.
As I watch the light turn to dark, goodbye my love, I shall be waiting for you,
I am the unwavering faith, everpresent universe.

The moon rises in the darkness, silver reflection off the river, meandering.
I know of a sadness, an entire day’s worth,
The stars cannot decide on or off, faint and so distant.
I feel the light, you once again come to me,
Fresh, I delight in you.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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neopoet

Sat, 2024-03-09 20:30

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Nature of Lover" uses vivid imagery to convey a sense of longing and love. The use of natural elements such as the sun, moon, and stars as metaphors for emotions and experiences adds a layer of depth to the poem. However, there are areas where the poem could be improved.

Firstly, the transition between the sun setting and the moon rising feels abrupt. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to smooth this change and maintain the flow of the poem.

Secondly, the line "The stars cannot decide on or off, faint" is unclear. If the intention is to convey the stars' indecisiveness or their faint appearance, consider rephrasing for clarity.

Lastly, the phrase "I am faith" seems disconnected from the rest of the poem. If the intention is to convey the speaker's steadfastness in waiting for their love, consider expanding on this idea or integrating it more seamlessly into the poem.

Overall, the poem has a strong emotional core and uses beautiful imagery. By focusing on transitions, clarity, and thematic consistency, it could be further improved.

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