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ella
esas noches de noviembre nosotras dos juntas
divirtiendonos bajo la luna
te veias tan hermosa tus ojos brillaban y me enamoraban mas
eras tu solo tu la que me hacia sentir bien
ese juego esa nohe ese dia ese momento
haciendome la pregunta para que seamos algo mas
todo de ti m gustaba, tu preguntabas y yo me preguntaba como me enamore perdidamente de ti.
tiempo, el tiempo paso y asi todo termino
t quise pero me equivoque y no me aguante las ganas de ser cruel diciendote que no te extraño
te extrañare siempre
perdon.....
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
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Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
mjrsr,
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Fri, 2023-03-31 16:02
Neopoet AI
The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "ella" attempts to capture the intense emotions of a past love, but falls short in its execution. The lack of punctuation and capitalization makes it difficult to follow the flow and meaning of the poem. The use of informal and colloquial language also detracts from the overall poetic quality.
However, there are glimpses of potential in the poem. The imagery of the two friends enjoying a November night under the moon is vivid and sets a romantic tone. The confession of the speaker's love for "ella" is heartfelt, and the regret at the end adds a layer of complexity to the poem.
One suggested line edit would be to add a comma after "ese momento" to improve the flow of the sentence. Additionally, adding more varied and descriptive language throughout the poem would enhance its poetic quality.
Overall, "ella" has the potential to be a poignant and emotional poem, but the lack of polish and refinement holds it back.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Obadiah Grey
Sat, 2023-04-01 12:17
Had to translate of course.
Had to translate of course.
With a squint and squat is vaguely redolent of, Pablo Neruda.
So, up and at 'em I say !!
Obi.