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angel
angel in the forest
far from home
we lay and listen
voice of breeze
while stars spark
in hours lease
borne loft of worry care
and freedom
we slide dreams
on rulers
calculating seasons
twas you
alone whom
warmed my heart
when others
joust and laugh
in lark
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north ontario
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Comments
Esker
Mon, 2011-03-14 11:45
not just sometimes
solid takes time
worth takes perception
many will throw words
in your face stinging
but there are those
whom have your back
and I know whom
they are now
my green eyed angel
is one of them
author commentNordic cloud
Sun, 2011-03-20 09:30
I hear you, I see even when
I hear you, I see even when you bend the words to make your sounds as you wish ignoring their full meaning, suggesting other meanings onomatopoeically by doing so.
Some of the English slightly grammatically out, but well shall I try to say?
"alone whom
warmed my heart"
Perhaps it was only this that jarred me, and it takes a lot to allow me to criticise anything you writ, as I let poets licence guide me when touching your work, then the free play of words takes on another meaning, and why not. But this can drop the M and all will be well with the magic of your poem.
Mr Magic American native man.
LuvAnn.
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
Esker
Mon, 2011-03-21 13:46
m
I just threw it in because I liked the flow it is incorrect
but then I like these kind of things
but I like your correction very much
Thank You
author commentmagics02
Mon, 2011-03-21 09:43
Esker
I liked this but stumbled here perhaps allow me to say
when others
joust and laugh
in lark
when others
joust and laugh(ed)
in lark
Let me know what you think on it for it is your work and I am just here to read and make my own suggestions or feelings on them
Blessings to you (I see a different picture of you and like how you change it with your mood:)
Mona
Esker
Mon, 2011-03-21 13:47
ed
Laughed shall suffice very nicely here
Thank you I like this elongation of the noun?verb?
its all art in my head like boxcars and flatbeds
author commentlou
Mon, 2011-03-21 02:54
Angel
I like this one very much, the only thing i would change is the word forest, in the first line, and i would replace it with darkness or in the murky night, but only out of my preference for the darker side of things. Otherwise forest is a perfectly good word.
I was drawn to this poem, because of the angel aspect. as I am writing a novel about a fallen angel.
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
Esker
Mon, 2011-03-21 13:49
dark forest place of shadow obscurity
thank you Lou for your suggestion
forest is so generic
writing these is not difficult but
stretching to use different
more descriptive terms like
Jack K did is and others
they really wrote fantastically
my art I think is the way I put
my simple paragraph phrases
together
author commentlou
Tue, 2011-03-22 05:00
Esker
I share your love of Jack Kerouac, I think you manage to write in a very descriptive manner, which i enjoy very much.
love lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
Roscoe Lane
Tue, 2011-03-22 05:08
Another classic,
Another classic from your pen, one suggestion, what about, when others joust laugh in lark. Regards Roscoe...
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.