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When the Stone was Crushed

Submitted by mark on Thu, 2017-05-25 18:16

Architecture is a wonderful expression.
Granite blocks, copper and slate,
stained glass—impressive impressions.
Spires and gargoyles high above
where no one can see but stray gulls
and doves that circle, dive—scrounge
from the waste on the ground.

The church had always forced our lives upon us
until one day the line was crossed
until one day the stone was crushed.

Recalling the day vividly:
Jesus was proclaimed god (or another god)
That was the day even my parents
‘old schoolers’ gave up on progress.
That was the day I woke up.

For the love of Jesus
goodwill crumbled, hearts turned ice cold
and the buildings—just the buildings
became meaningless structures of molded bricks,
became objects of tax refunds, for the fortunate.

The sense of community had left for bargain basements
in the stead of Italian dinners and frolic,
except for pigeons that splatter on the asphalt shingles
(or are kept away via poison)
and the dismal baptismal—for those fortunate donors.

The architects were genius.
Jesus was genius—architect of community.
Progress is plain old stupidity.
The Italian dinners and the frolic
are shamefully missed,
replaced with crimes of betrayal,
separation of spirits
-ostracized!

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft

Comments

jane210660

Fri, 2017-05-26 04:50

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I just wondered about this line
'Spires and a sarcophagus high above'
I'm not sure a sarcophagus would be up there with the spires, it's a stone tomb.
Interesting poem though, raises some deep questions.
Jx

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jane210660

Fri, 2017-05-26 05:24

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How about gargoyles, they're high up. Lose the alliteration though. But they're ornate stone carvings often of imps and devils.
Or how about 'spires and stone carvings' keeps the alliteration.
Leave it with you.
Jx

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Ali Zonach

Fri, 2017-05-26 09:09

I like the idea of a sarcophagus contrasting with spires, but I would place it "far below," in a vault or burial chamber. How about:
"A sarcophagus in a vault far below, and spires high above"?

Ali

jane210660

Fri, 2017-05-26 11:50

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I see you've edited the sarcophagus, probably wise, you wouldn't want it falling off and crushing someone.
I like the imagery, but now have a problem with crucifixions. The crucifix is the cross, the crucifixion is the act of nailing someone to the cross. So unless you mean there are people up there nailed to the cross, I don't think that word works.
I'm not having a go at your poem, I think the imagine of church architecture is good, you're just one word out imho.
Jx

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lovedly

Fri, 2017-05-26 12:33

lovedly's picture

I like one great thing about this story my child
also tells me daily
O pop forget all rot
leave everything to Jesus
let him look after the world
for he alone
can give us our daily bread
have you heard???

yes my son
I Have I just quit my job
Tomorrow on-wards
I shall sit at the doorstops
passersby will come by
and
as Lord promised all
we will get our daily Bread

Son a piece of my sincere advice
relinquish your studies
relieve me of my burden of paying fees
he promised to all bread only
and that's all what you need

Esker

Fri, 2017-05-26 16:21

Esker's picture

her neon cross tilted with the winds from the west
her granite round eternal fountian donated by
the italian parishoners turned off..dug up
her plaster sts and furnishings donated to
other churches which are closing slowly in
the mill towns surrounding
they Demolished the stone one in Sturgeon Falls
but we have enough of the faithful and support
to keep our limestone cathedral on Algonquin
going and the twin spire one on the rock
as I write they are restoring the two bell towers
scaffolding wound with protetctive green netting
the base of parishoners fades....work..demographics
but the larger works of the master stone cutters
still embrace those that hear the bells call

thank U Mark!

Mr Wolf!

mark

Fri, 2024-10-18 05:48

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You all have been helpful and kind,
Mark

"Ghosts of electricity howl in the bones of her face."
~Bob Dylan~

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