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Garden Of Cymru ( Pronounced Cumree )
I walk to the crest of a hill
Caught in a misty sea
Loosely enfolded in sun shattered light
In the garden of Cymru.
Gradually the landscape appears
Out of the glister gauze
Unrolling green knotted mountains and fields
Filling my eyes with applause.
Below the sheep in the valley
Munch on the diamond dew
Nonchalantly eating the sparkling blades
Beaded with droplets of blue.
The lake is like crystal clear glass
Mirror imaging trees
Wrinkling deep in the shallow canvas
Zigzagging branches and leaves
Disturbing the liquid surface
Ducks and coots ripple by
Dipping and diving into soft murky clouds
Treading in watery sky.
In the shelter of the glasshouse
Out of the icy cold
A fragrant breath wafts a tropical breeze
And all my senses unfold.
Exotic flowers surround me
Robins twitter and sing
Luxuriant foliage blossoms and blooms
Fooled into thinking it’s spring.
Winter melts out of my pupils
Seeping out of my pores
Until I exhale the colours and smells
Into the freezing outdoors.
A shivering crowd of snowdrops
Huddle together as one
They bow their delicate white painted heads
Teased by a touch of the sun.
Slowly I stroll down the broad way
Refreshed in heart and mind
I linger in echoes welled deep in my soul
Leaving the garden behind.
Comments
mand
Tue, 2011-01-25 04:24
Hi Yenti
Thanks for your kind comment. I'm not sure I've cracked it though. It's about the botanical gardens of South Wales - I think it still needs some ajustments, but I'll wait and see.
Kind of you to read and comment - much appreciated.
Love Mand xxxxxx
mand
Tue, 2011-01-25 08:31
Hi Shirl
Hi nice to see you. Hope you're o.k. Looking forward to summer.
Thanks for reading Shirl - sorry I'm not around much.
Keep safe my friend.
Love Mand xxxxxx
weirdelf
Tue, 2011-01-25 07:42
I really love this.
People here stereotype me as an old cynic but gentle beauty, delicately written, charms me every time.
I do see that you could make some small adjustments.
Gradually the landscape erupts
Out of the hazy gauze
[this almost works, and its not so much the contraposition of gradually and erupts, but perhaps the scansion. I think the word gradually is what lends a certain awkwarness, gently perhaps, slowly, both lack elegance, maybe ... nup, it's the word erupts, perhaps you could play with emerges or arises, I'm sort of thinking out loud here]
Imaging abstract trees [this breaks the spell with the two tech sounding words imaging and abstract]
Fooled into thinking it’s spring. [love this line!]
Swollen and teased by the seasonal change [again "seasonal change" is a bit tech sounding]
Refreshed in body and mind.
Really needs a stronger ending.
I linger in echoes welled deep in my soul.
would be a better last line if you could work it.
Hope this is of some help,
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
mand
Tue, 2011-01-25 08:43
Hi Jess
It's good to have your advice and kind of you to read and comment.
would the word appears be better? "Gradually the landscape appears"
Not sure if this will be any better, what do you think?
The lake is like crystal clear glass
Wrinkling abstract trees
Imaging deep in the shallow canvas
Zigzagging branches and leaves.
I'll have to think how to make ajustments on the other parts - might take awhile.
You've given me some things to think about - much appreciated
Love Mand xxxxxxxx
scribbler
Tue, 2011-01-25 08:28
hey mand
As usual you've shown me I have a lot to learn about imagery. The green house nestled warmly in midst of winter came through softly. Only question is why you chose to break subtle rhyme in next to last stanza.............scribbler
mand
Tue, 2011-01-25 08:56
Hi Stan
Good to hear from you, hope you and family are o.k. Not sure what you mean about breaking subtle rhyme?
( I'm a bit dense I'm afraid ). But I would like to know what you mean so I can change it. Thanks Stan! I much appreciate everyones comments - it helps having another pair of eyes.
Love Mand xxxxxxxx
scribbler
Tue, 2011-01-25 12:11
garden
in all other stanzas the 2nd and 4th lines rhyme but not in that stanza..........stan
Kailashana2
Tue, 2011-01-25 10:58
Sometimes I am blessed to
Sometimes I am blessed to read a poem after rewrites, after comments so I can enjoy both the taste and the bite.
This is one such poem.
~Thank you for this slice of cake
mand
Tue, 2011-01-25 11:16
Hi Anna
Good to hear from you. I hope you're o.k. I still have a few things to work out on this poem - Jess and Stan have pointed a couple of things out so it's a work in progress - have you ever written a poem that flows and then suddenly it dries up and you can't seem to progress with it? I'm at that stage with this one, it isn't finished yet in my mind.
I'm glad of everyones help - hopefully the flow will come back
Thanks Anna.
Love Mand xxxxx
mand
Tue, 2011-01-25 15:51
Hi Xena
So good to see you! I hope you are o.k. I so often go to our botanical gardens - it is my sanctuary, a place i can go that is
( relatively ) safe - I don't know what I'd do without it.
I'm so grateful to all the staff and volunteers who keep it in beautiful condition and I am grateful to you for your wonderful comment - though it's not quite finished yet.
Thank you so much Xena, for your encouragement and support.
Love Mand xxxxxxxx
Nordic cloud
Tue, 2011-01-25 15:34
Beautiful, dear old Wales,
Oh Mand dear old Wales,
it has the essences of Britain
that subtle gentleness of vision, hazed and dimmed,
revealed and glinting,
that for me is here described so very beautifully,
and some of the phrases, all of them,
but some are so special in wording and imagery;
made live as Rosina says, we feel and see with you,
smell the perfume of the damp air,
taste the blue pearls of water
and feel refreshed like you
when we too have walked through your 'garden.'
I know it that well too.
I shall look closer for you later. Love to you Mand from Ann.
"Treading in watery sky."
"Unrolling a knotted green carpet of fields"
And the peeping mountain,,
I know that so well in the Welsh mists.
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
mand
Tue, 2011-01-25 16:03
Hi Ann
ah! who can forget the rugged mountains and hills of Wales - indelibly imprinted on the mind of those who experience it's wonders. Norway too comes alive in the ink of your pen as you flow its beauty on to the page in exquisite written art - you are an inspiration.
Thank you for your lovely comment Ann, kind of you to read!
Love Mand xxxxxx
mand
Wed, 2011-01-26 05:07
Hi Seren
Sorry I haven't been around much - Grandmother responsibilities etc. Still I enjoy reading everyones poems when I get here.
Thanks for you lovely comment - I'm still working on it, I'm finding it difficult to make the cross over from being inside the great glass house ( a giant green house ) to being outside in the open. If nothing else it's teaching me patience. Lol
Thanks for visiting Seren, I hope your op goes well.
Love Mand xxxxxx
raj
Wed, 2011-01-26 04:53
Dearest Mand
You have created such lively images in this write..i could sense the beauty the colors..the mood and the fragrance ..a lovely flowing write which has a nice rhythm. to it...some of my favourite lines..
Filling my eyes with applause. ...
(what a lovely way to express delight)
Dipping and diving into soft murky clouds
Treading in watery sky.
much love..
raj (sublime_ocean)
mand
Wed, 2011-01-26 05:09
Hi Raj
The nice thing about this poem is I have to visit the gardens to get a feel of all the sights and sounds. Lol
Glad you like it Raj. I hope you and yours are o.k. I look forward to reading some of your gems.
Lots of love Mand xxxxxxxxxxx
raj
Wed, 2011-01-26 05:26
Hi again Mand..
keep visiting the gardens and the wild..and share with us your inspirations...there is such an honest and flowing quality associated with your writes which makes them a treat to read...
much love..
raj (sublime_ocean)
mand
Wed, 2011-01-26 05:28
Hello Again
Wish you could come with me! with your talent you would bring nature and all it's wonders alive.
Thanks Raj.
Love Mand xxxx
raj
Wed, 2011-01-26 05:42
Dear Mand..
Ahhhhhhh what a thought? i would have loved to do that...but through your writes you give me a pseudo stroll for sure...
much love and smiles..
raj (sublime_ocean)
Candlewitch
Thu, 2011-01-27 11:59
Dear Mand,
Ohhh, this piece is absolutely delightful! I love the way the journey unfolds and your usage of rhyme. It was so hard to pick favorite lines:
I slowly walk down the broad way
Leaving the garden behind
I linger in echoes welled deep in my soul
Refreshed in body and mind
Lovely. I wish I knew of such a place to visit. Vividly brilliant. I can make no suggestions, as I find perfection here.
love, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
mand
Thu, 2011-01-27 16:48
Hi Cat
So good to hear from you. I hope you are o.k. Thank you so much for your lovely comments - coming from a poet of your calibre I am honoured and flattered.
In my mind it still isn't finished ( nearly ) so I will be editing it soon. Anyway I'm really encouraged by your comments.
Thank you Cat for taking the time to visit
Love Mand xxxxxxxx
crypticbard
Sat, 2011-01-29 08:53
The People
they are the garden, and in their bountiful land I shall freely wander, both inextricably intertwined- they belong to the land and the land is where their collective soul glides...
__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'
mand
Fri, 2011-02-04 11:21
True
And the people of Wales are kind and friendly. Lovely sentiments and so true.
Love Mand xxxxxxx
crypticbard
Sat, 2011-02-05 02:06
More than just a sentiment!
have heaps of Welsh friends, a deep love for all Arthurian lore, and a prime minister that hails from Wales as well.
__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'
Candlewitch
Fri, 2011-02-04 11:01
Dear Mand,
I just stopped by for another read. I love the effortless rhyming. Very well done!
love, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
mand
Fri, 2011-02-04 11:23
Hi Candlewich
Nice of you to come by and take another look. I hope you and yours are o.k and that the weather is being kind to you.
Thanks once more
Love Mand xxxxxxx
weirdelf
Sat, 2011-02-05 03:14
oops posted in the wrong place,
sorry
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
weirdelf
Sat, 2011-02-05 03:14
ditto
ditto
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry