Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Sugar Baby
Sugar baby
plaything for daddy
showers her in money
she's his honey
Fulfills her lifestyle
widens his smile
hugs and kisses
never his mrs.
He's paying her college fees
she's often on her knees
has a child to feed
gives her what she needs
Is it prostitution?
or business transaction
Is either getting hurt?
or is it all just sport
Sugar is very nice
to life it adds spice
but too much can be bad for you
I hope their actions they don't rue
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
weirdelf
Sun, 2012-12-09 01:11
You've got issues.
and the second worst thing is you don't know you have them.
The worst thing is you write trite silly poetry.
Sorry, that's what I see.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
sueb
Sun, 2012-12-09 14:21
thanks again Jess
thanks again Jess
weirdelf
Tue, 2012-12-11 02:01
I take back my previous comment
The poem has meaning and value (but I still think you have unresolved issues)
The real problem with this poem is the double spacing. Edit it and I promise it will read a lot better.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
weirdelf
Tue, 2012-12-11 03:49
Mnuch better,
I have underestimated you, sueb. You are a brave poet. I apologise. I really have been off my game recently.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
sueb
Tue, 2012-12-11 03:52
Hi Jess issues are issues
Hi Jess issues are issues poems are poems i appreciate all your comments and reading have a good day x