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When Will I Protect My Homeland

When will I protect my homeland?
From the roaring of a lion
That walks in the day and night
Snatching the young and old
Who hope for fortune
In their sniffs and bubs;
While the tears and frown lower their faces;
When the days fly away.

When will I protect my homeland?
From the mew of cats
That steal meats from our cupboards
In spite of protecting our homes,
They burgle into our houses every minute
And take away our gold and diamond.

When will I protect my homeland?
From the hovering of birds
That fly from one tree to the other
To pick our precious fruits.

Review Request (Intensity): 
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Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
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Editing stage: 
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Comments

that this piece translates well into English. The main thought expressed here; is "When?" I would be sure to ask the question:
"Indeed, when?" Like, how much is it going to take before you step up to defend your country? Why haven't you done it before now? Other than that burning question, the poem does well, your language use is good, the pattern, and pace is good. ~ Geezer.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

I like your comment.

"Words are currency of ideas and have the power to change world. Ride your pen on the rough road."

author comment

you need (the & a in a lot of places) read the poem out loud and you will hear your mistakes.

*good luck, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Thank you for your advice.

"Words are currency of ideas and have the power to change world. Ride your pen on the rough road."

author comment

This is one of the powerful element in poetry!
It allows the reader to see clearly, touch, feel, taste and hear what is happening around the poet. And in some cases even sympathize with the poet.

Posing with the question: When?
How long will you be asking when you truly know you haven't make a bold step to take action? Are you out of the vicinity where your home land was invaded?
Maybe you have long sojourned in another man's country and watching and hearing the ugly situations unfolding in your land.
Procrastination is never a good thing. You loose ample opportunity doing what is you supposed to do at the right time. At this time you need to wake up and take the bull by the horn. Or else, your home land will remain totally invaded!

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

You saw everything around the poet. Great job!
The poet can not do it alone. He needs other's swords to defend his land.

"Words are currency of ideas and have the power to change world. Ride your pen on the rough road."

author comment
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