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Walkabout... Trochee / Wes' Meter Workshop

Walk about so do we go
Stay on the road all dark night
Lie down come break of dawn sir
Before the heat of daylight

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Last few words: 
I think I got it right.
Editing stage: 

Comments

At least not to my ear....

WALK a - | BOUT so | DO we | GO
STAY on | the ROAD | all DARK | NIGHT
lie DOWN | come BREAK | of DAWN | sir
be - FORE | the HEAT | of DAY -| light

Love judy
xxx
.

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Walk about so do we go now
Stay on road in dark of night-time
Down to sleep for light of day sir
Wake to walk some miles more

.

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author comment

WALK a - | BOUT so | DO we | GO now
STAY on | ROAD in | DARK of | NIGHT - time
DOWN to | SLEEP for | LIGHT of | DAY sir
WAKE to | WALK SOME | MILES MORE

except for the last verse, where my ear hears spondee at those last two feet
Also, the last verse is in trimeter
It doesn't affect the poem, but I think we were asked for a quatrain of tetrameter

Lol - i didn't follow the instructions either...
Had to use 6 verses for my anapaest, as I couldn't fit it all into 4
GB Shaw is probably turning in his grave....

Anyways Gee.... you got it, mostly
Love judy
xxx
.

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

I get it. Guess I should do as Jess says and go read, read, read!

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

Judy is right. It doesn't quite work out. I particularly don't like the second verse. Listen to yourself. As Keats said... poetry should be written naturally or not at all. It must be able to be "spoken" as though it were NOT poetry.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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Trochee and Dactylic are flowing meters because the unstressed last syllables lead you on the the next foot whereas Iambic and Anapest create a more... imperative rhythm, that stressed last foot emphasising rhyme and structure.

You're right, you really need to read it to get the ear for it.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
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