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Two Samurais (June Choka Poem Contest)

Under the pale moon,
two samurais on the bridge,
sharpened blades singing,
eyes glaring at each other,
determined to win
or embrace the end of life
for the sake of their masters.

Summer's first showdown,
witnessed by their friends and foes.
Chosen champions clashed
to honor the lords they serve
Alas, treachery
comes in the form of a bird,
claws blinding its target's eyes.

Accusing words frame,
stripping a lord of honor.
The duel ended
with his reputation stained.
Forced to kill himself,
he cursed his conniving foe
and Death comes when lightning strikes.

Style / type: 
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

the scene with such force, that one sees the glint of their blades and their flashing eyes!
~ Gee.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Glad you liked it.

Alid

author comment

Great imagery as well as the mood too created by you in this Choka makes you a strong contender to be the winner of this month's contest...best wishes..

raj (sublime_ocean)

Glad you liked it.

Alid

author comment

Awesome Khalid. It absolutely deserves the prize

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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Glad you liked it.

Alid

author comment
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