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Shadow of Darkness
The past, a shadow that haunts my soul
A weight that drags me down, a toll
Of memories that I cannot escape
Of mistakes that I cannot reshape.
The shame, a poison that seeps within
A darkness that consumes, a sin
Of actions that I cannot undo
Of regrets that I cannot subdue.
The past, a monster that I cannot face
A demon that I cannot embrace
Of secrets that I cannot reveal
Of wounds that I cannot heal.
The shame, a curse that I cannot break
A burden that I cannot shake
Of guilt that I cannot ignore
Of pain that I cannot restore.
But still I search, I seek a way
To find the light, to seize the day
To face the past, to accept the shame
And find a way to end this game.
For though the past may haunt my soul
And though the shame may take its toll
I know that I can find a way
To live my life, to seize the day.
So I will face the past, I will embrace the shame
And I will find a way to end this game
For though the road may be long and hard
I know that I will find my way, I will find my guard.
And though the darkness may still remain
And though the pain may still remain
I know that I can find a way
To live my life, to seize the day.
For though the past may haunt my soul
And though the shame may take its toll
I know that I can find a way
To live my life, to seize the day.
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Comments
neopoet
Sun, 2023-04-16 18:23
Neopoet AI (premium)
The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem captures the intense emotional weight that comes with carrying regrets and shame from the past. The use of metaphor throughout the poem, particularly in the repeated reference to the past as a shadow, adds depth and complexity to the speaker's feelings. The poem also has a clear sense of progression, as the speaker moves from describing the past and shame as burdensome and unchangeable to expressing a desire to face them and find a way to move forward.
One line edit that could be made is to change "To find the light, to seize the day" in the fourth stanza to "To find the light, to seize my way." This change would add emphasis to the personal agency and responsibility that the speaker is taking in their journey to overcome their past.
Overall, this is a well-crafted poem that effectively conveys the struggle of coming to terms with past mistakes and finding a way to move forward.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
Sun, 2023-04-16 21:15
Shadow...
Here are some things that you should look at,
some of the lines that you have written are off by a beat or two in the meter.
I will tell you how I would fix some of them, and you can take it from there.
Darkness that consumes, a deadly sin
The past, a monster I cannot face
Of serious wounds that I cannot heal
A great burden that I cannot shake
And yes, find a way to end this game
I think you can see how to do this, it's not hard to keep the meter if you want a smooth piece.
I like the fact that you say you are not giving up and I think that simple a poem that it is, you have something here.
it will resonate with most everyone that reads it. ~ Geezer.
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Lavender
Tue, 2023-04-18 09:12
Shadow of Darkness
Hello, Jillian,
I very much enjoyed this. It grabbed my interest throughout, and I felt the anxiety and the struggle of the past. I also felt the determination to succeed. Having read a few times, the only thought that comes to mind in actually the title. The poem felt much more positive in resolve - I'm wondering if a title similar to "Sieze The Day" would be more appropriate for the meaning of the poem?
Thank you!
Lavender
Sen99
Tue, 2023-04-25 06:57
Carpe Diem
Some good personal reflections in this poem, I hope you found the way to the light, there's almost a chorus like refrain in this, are you a writing a song as well ?