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Say What?... [March Contest Ode To The Cellphone]

As I touch the keys
let my thoughts come loose
Pictures come and go
using more damned juice

The linking that I share
with the world at large
To my credit, I must use
a phone to make a charge

Killer phones, they are
They’re holding me for ransom
They’re so sleek and fast
some are really handsome

Anticipate my needs
just scan my words before
Put their own words in
Don’t need to say it anymore

If I hesitate too long
pushing buttons, texting
I may find myself
in a conversation vexing

Give me some control
cell phone gods, I pray
Let me make one call
just one; going right today

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 

Comments

Replacing our thoughts with theirs! Good write!

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

I made a few changes, trying to get the rhythm right. Hope it sounds better now.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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author comment

Sounds better with the rhythm cleaned up. Damn phone with a mind of it own.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

Gee...Interesting take on smartphone.
.................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

All this tech crap is going to be the death of true conversation. I foresee great great grandchildren with atrophied tongues and over sized thumbs lol

I agree with you about over sized thumbs which is in sync with Darwin's Theory of Evolution ...
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raj (sublime_ocean)

a cool visual on that one! Maybe thumbs with little points to facilitate the ever smaller buttons?
Gee.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

skinny necks tilted permanently down

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