Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
HER MAJESTY
HER MAJESTY
I ventured out beneath the pale
Oceanic sky in the summery heat;
My thoughts were of my lover, soft, discreet,
When I found her dreaming on a rosy dale.
Her eyes were dark and of ancient folk lore;
They shimmered like diamonds in the gilded lights,
And beamed like streams from angelic nights,
From that lovely Carolingian gaze she bore.
JOHN LARS ZWERENZ
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
scribbler
Fri, 2022-08-12 15:50
hello
Sounds like a rhyme of the olden poets.I have 2 suggestion : line 3 , omit were. Line 5 try "her eyes were the dark of ancient folk lore." Just a couple of ideas you might consider