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Anubis Hunts...
The scent was tantalizing
it crept up in his nose
The musky odor intriguing
he will follow where it goes
Not the greasy smell of burgers
like many other times
Instead, a heavy warmth
it flooded through his mind
Trotting down the roadway
nails clicking quietly
Anubis left the pavement
through the grass and weeds
Light shone yellow from a cabin
the door opened and it shut
From inside he heard
"Go on, ya little mutt!"
"Go and do your business
come back when you're done
Don't get lost, I beg of you
the woods here are no fun"
"There's a devil dog around
I'm sure he'd eat you up
So be careful and don't stray
my lovely little pup"
The warm smell, so delicious
it makes Anubis drool
A cautious whine of hunger
brings the little fool
She stands long legged and skittish
curious, yet afraid
She smells the wildness in him
hears the noises that he makes
He approaches slowly
and her head bows to his charm
She never thinks of danger
is ignorant of the harm
Anubis' has his way, of course
or there wouldn't be a tale
and in the Spring there will be
Devil puppy-dogs for sale
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
Thanks for the idea Candlewitch.
~ Geez.
.
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Region & Country
New York State - USA
Favorite Poets
Poe, Emily Dickenson, Robert Frost, Shakespeare, and many of the poets here at Neopoet.
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Comments
neopoet
Sun, 2024-02-04 21:12
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Anubis Hunts..." is a narrative piece that uses vivid imagery and a consistent rhyme scheme to tell a story. The use of sensory details, particularly the emphasis on smell, effectively conveys the canine perspective of the protagonist, Anubis.
However, the poem could benefit from a clearer thematic focus. While the narrative is engaging, the theme or message of the poem is somewhat elusive. Is it a commentary on the natural instincts of animals, or perhaps a critique of human interference with wildlife? Clarifying this could enhance the overall impact of the piece.
The rhythm of the poem is generally consistent, which aids in its readability. However, there are a few lines that disrupt this rhythm, such as "Don't get lost, I beg of you / the woods here are no fun". The second line here is shorter than the first, which disrupts the flow. Consider revising such lines to maintain a consistent rhythm throughout.
The use of dialogue in the poem adds a layer of complexity and helps to characterize both Anubis and the human speaker. However, the transition between the dialogue and the narrative could be smoother. The abrupt shift from the human's warning to Anubis' actions may confuse readers.
Lastly, the ending of the poem is somewhat abrupt. The final line, "Devil puppy-dogs for sale", is a surprising and intriguing conclusion, but it could be more effectively foreshadowed earlier in the poem. This would make the ending feel more satisfying and less out of the blue.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Candlewitch
Sun, 2024-02-04 17:25
Dear Geezer & Anubis,
You Go, Dog You Go!!!
save one for me, LOL! It is time for Anubis to produce and reproduce!
*Hugs, Cat and candles fire
*ever, eddy styx
p.s.
I will be back tomorrow for another read...
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
RoseBlack
Sun, 2024-02-04 18:03
I love this
Even devil dogs need some love...i am glad he didn't eat her and chose the alternative instead. Now we will have to wait for the devil puppies to arrive and wreak havoc
~RoseBlack~
Geezer
Sun, 2024-02-04 22:02
True...
if he ate her, there would be no pups. Can't wait for the little bundles of joy to come and visit Pop. ~ Geez.
.
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author commentRoseBlack
Sun, 2024-02-04 22:26
Papa Killer
I am sure Killer will love his little grand dogs...and will teach them all the fine dining and delicacies he has learned over the years. Cannot wait to see these little hell hounds.
~RoseBlack~
Geezer
Sun, 2024-02-04 23:46
I'm sure...
that they will be bodacious little curs, just like their daddy! ~ Geez.
.
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This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
author commentUnca Fez
Sun, 2024-02-04 21:27
The Pups Wouldn't Like Our Cats
The pups wouldn't like our cats. I'm sure their lives would be forfeit. A really nice tale.
There were a couple of lines that seemed out of rhythm. Perhaps:
The musky odor so intriguing ==> The musky odor, intriguing
I'm sure he'd eat you all right up ==> He would surely eat you
Other than that, a smoooooth read.
Thanx,
Steve
Geezer
Sun, 2024-02-04 21:42
Yes...
I agree with you Unca Fez, those lines need a little touch. I will see to it. Thanks for the read and comments. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
author commentRuby Lord
Mon, 2024-02-05 05:50
Great job, made me giggle.
Great job, made me giggle. Ruby :) xx
Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.
Candlewitch
Mon, 2024-02-05 06:14
Dear Anubis,
I like the subtle changes. Now the pauses are in the right places.
*hugs, Cat
*ever, eddy
p.s.
thank Unca Fez instead of me, lol!
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.