Been scouring the interweb, trying to procure
A simple little gadget that’s available, I’m sure
I’ve never seen one advertised, not even on TV
If you know where they sell them, can you get in touch with me
E bay had some stuff to find a buried treasure chest
But nothing that would help locate, the object of my quest
I need to get one quickly, before they disappear
To lose them all completely is, by far my greatest fear
Their numbers dwindle daily,and as more and more abscond
I wish that there was someone who could wave a magic wand

For what intention
Do I live
Knowing of nothing
Of pure life
Or understanding death

Can the trees
Hear the music
Of the wind
Without any ears
Yet they dance

As the ocean
Loves the land
To such degrees
It caresses it
Day and night

Am I different
Among these things
I am universal
Connected to all
Yet all alone

I only answer
To my own
Heart and conscious
Can I hear
What is said

When granny passed over last Wednesday
It was something we never foresaw
She seemed to be so fit and healthy
But then came the knock on the door

The policeman was standing there solemn
He wasn’t sure what he should say
Then all of a sudden he blurted
“It’s granny, she’s just past away”

She’d been to the pensioners social
She was dancing and knocking back gin
The silly old girl gave a bit of a twirl
When her heart, it just stopped, it gave in

There are Fairies at the bottom of my garden
And they visit every evening, for a dance
They are lovely to behold and very welcome
I just wish they didn’t trample on my plants
Their favourite one appears to be the Salsa
They do it with such style and aplomb
Much better than last week when they were jivin’
It appeared they’d hit the garden with a bomb
So I do believe in Fairies, ‘cos I’ve seen them
And every night I watch them, in a trance
They are graceful and delightful and enchanting

It’s braw y’are its braw a’reet
Wi’ brilly natchers at yer feet
Tis one fer they an’ one fer me
T’ set tha brilly natchers free
So dinnae mumble dinnae fret
Tha has nae seen yon natchers yet
But when they come as come they will
Be sure t’stand rock solid still
Nae griping an’ nae felly soor
Wie brilly natchers at yer door

I’d love to be a hobo
To tramp the country mile
To be at one with nature
To face life with a smile

The countryside will feed me
With the hedgerow for my bed
The green grass for my pillow
When I need to rest my head

Oh I’d love to be a hobo
Watching seasons passing through
To wake up with the dawning
And the early morning dew

I’d miss my comfy bed I know
And three square meals a day
Fresh clothes every morning
Somewhere clean and warm to stay

You can see me at the beach
I’m a hunk and there’s no doubt
In my budgie smuggler pants
You can tell that I work out

With my Speedos fully loaded
I’m a magnet for the women
And I always get molested
When I’m in the water swimming

I can’t help if I’m oozing
Sex appeal and charm
As I walk along the sand
With a honey on each arm

So you guys, don’t get upset
If your girl comes on to me
When my passions on display
They can’t help it, don’t you see

Oh! How can I forget your face
The tenderness, of your embrace
Your precious smile, that gentle kiss
These things, I know, I’ll always miss

The way you’d squeeze and hold me tight
While making love all through the night
And how you’d talk the whole day long
Or sing some sad old country song

The times we had, and we had some
But sadly now the time has come
Two people left with broken hearts
Because you can’t control your farts

Decorations are in shop windows
yuletide music is all we can hear.
Pretty lights shine in the town centre
making it feel like Christmas is here.

Plans are made for friends to meet
to celebrate with food and beer.
Neighbours are putting up trees
making it feel like Christmas is here.

Soldiers have come home on leave
kissing loved ones, shedding a tear.
People travel to be with families
making it feel like Christmas is here.

Stephanie, Stephanie, Stephanie
Your demands will be the death of me
I’ve done my best now let me rest
You’ve drained my body physically
You’ve worn me out I’ve had enough
I can’t keep on performing
Lets take a break, relax, unwind
Continue in the morning

Okay, come on, let’s do it
We’ve had our little tiff
I’ve had myself a rest, and
Now I’m getting rather stiff
So get up to the bedroom
We’ll continue with this caper
But you can do the pasting, and
I will hang the paper