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The Warring Within Me

A  The Warring Within Me

Hard  trying to stay warned
Of conflicts warring in my soul 
The will to live, desiring Sheol 
Freeness from pain lingering in my veins

I look to heaven, thankful for moments, between 
Depressed, feeling distress, none to late
Inner peace increases,  demise releases, as
I lie upon my sick bed, tie-in to God's message

Defending my reasons for leisure
Has become treason
A desirous, Industrious way burns within me
Feeling lazy, mentally dazed

I try holding to life
Attending picnic, gathering, partying, with friends
After much fun, in the end, pain still resides in my flesh
My iPad, my companion, submitting to trials etched here;

My sight looses light 
Movements limited, worsening
Thoughts at times distraught
When I fear the beast that devour

I'm powerful though I am weak, getting weaker, still
When my heart wants to stop
I give in welcoming rest
Awaking to another day of life again, oh well

As bad as it may seem, there's still someone suffering more than me
Hungry while I eat, thirsty while I drink, crawl while I walk
Blind while I hold to sight, driven by others while I drive
No matter the suffering we're in this together enduring until we're finish
 
Hold on to bars of life, take that roller coaster ride to comfort
Have faith in God that all will be well when the train stops at your station

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Comments

I see where you are coming from. I do not fear the transition or death as I think you are referring to.
Just that death is more welcoming when the pain hit and family leave you alone determining you can do more than you say.
It seems you must past out flat before one believe you are having a really hard day and just need to take it easy from the limited activity I already do.
But instead I get, you aren't the only one sick, you are not an invalent, just get up and do something. Im not sure what unconditional love is. I know the definition of it but because I am who I am I must accept what they claim I am able to do or I get left alone as selfish self- centered only thinking about me.
I know I'm the problem I clash with people, but I can't be fake. I tried and it was the worse so now I am just me, clashing feeling unloved, desiring death as the pain is becoming unbearable after a few years
Of trying to get it right, never succeeding . I know all the answers but can't seem to make them work in my life . Thus I write poetry.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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