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An uncertain voice .... alone
An uncertain voice…alone
Uncertainty came by today
stumbling on words it tried to say
we find must a better way
remember we fast are turning grey
Our passing times us by
we got to up step and try
make hear them our children cry
before we all down lay and die
And remembered be for what
another invention from eternal our swot
that mean doesn’t a whole lot if it
don’t world the save and all we got
Other live creatures as nature intended
no treatment special is needed or blended
rules not are altered and bended
or paragraphs policy of amended
So to end say I be true
best the do that you can do
point way a that suits your crew
perhaps see we’ll a world anew
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
Dalton
Sun, 2011-08-07 17:54
Ta Roscoe
This one reads a little like a rap performed by Yoda of Degoba. No bad comment against your skill just a little back to front so a little difficult to retain the general flow of the piece. Are you into hip hop? ThanX for sharing
Roscoe Lane
Tue, 2011-08-09 00:13
Just thought,
Just thought it would get the message across better if it held the reader a little longer. Thank you for commenting. Regards Roscoe..
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
faerybeki
Sun, 2011-08-07 19:14
I like this I do lol :) Like
I like this I do lol :) Like Dalton can't help but think of Yoda :) and agree although I like the idea it does make for a disjointed read. much love Beki xxx
'God turns you from one feeling to another
and teaches by means of opposites,
so that you will have two wings to fly,
not one.' (...Rumi)
Roscoe Lane
Tue, 2011-08-09 00:16
As i said,
As said i above it maybe just held you minutes longer so perhaps helps the message. Thank you for commenting .Love Roscoe...
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
lou
Mon, 2011-08-08 04:17
Hi
Have to agree with Dalton, it is like a rap. I enjoyed it a lot, nothing I can think of that I would change.
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
Roscoe Lane
Tue, 2011-08-09 00:19
Thank you,
Thank you perhaps i've found my genre, i could be rapping all over town LoL.. Love Roscoe..
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.