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Mesmeric Scapes
perched atop a tree
a falcon spreads its wings
ready to migrate
sunlight bursts through clouds
sipping dew drops on roses
kissing them awake
the shepherd is out
herding his flock of sheep
towards the pastures
a chameleon
camouflages dubiously
to pounce on his prey
like a Sage in trance
a lotus floats serenely
calming the ripples
a lone butterfly
flutters its colorful wings
in search of its mate
a gentle breeze plays
a melodious rhyme
on my window chimes
a dawning day paints
these mesmerizing landscapes
on my window pane
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
Kailashana2
Wed, 2011-07-13 16:45
ok, this is wonderful Raj,
ok, this is wonderful Raj, absolutely delightful, deliciously so! .... now do you have a princess to kiss you?
smile.
(Haikuesque is the spelling I use for my Haikuesque poems).
raj
Wed, 2011-07-13 23:40
Thank you Anna for the read
Thank you Anna for the read and your comment..
initially i had indeed chosen Haikuesque for a title but then changed it to Astounding to express how astounded i was to see the glorious events of at dawn causing the "frog leap from bed"..for a humorous anti climax...lol...as for the Princess its a nice wishful thinking lol..
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentloved
Wed, 2011-07-13 21:05
Is it all about*
I frog leaped from bed
my pajamas.....
in a heap
around my ankles
*MORNING WOOD.....
AND
THE ineveyable FALL
SOME VIRGIN
AWAITING YOUR CALL
My Dear RAI,
U R IN LOVE AFTER ALL!!!!!
loved
raj
Fri, 2011-07-15 15:13
Loved
thanks for the read and your humorous perception..lol..
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentloved
Fri, 2011-07-15 18:18
I APPRECIATE THAT YOU DO APPRECIATE
AFTER THE LAST POETRY SESSION
OF WHAT WAS THAT..... CLICHES KIND
I SAW YOUR ....
xxxxxpppp... in the form of a frog
jumping the confines of prison walls....
i do hope u didn't mind
and still kept it under control....
well defined and confined
loved
loved
Tue, 2011-07-19 00:55
WHO ELSE SAW YOUR FROG LEAP?????
UREMAINED SILENT
ND MADE ME WEEP
I READ UR FROGGY POEM AGAIN
RAJ UR POETRY IS A TREAT
AS MUCH AS MINE IS
A RETREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
loved
mand
Fri, 2011-07-15 03:53
Hi Raj
These Haikus are wonderful. My favorites - all of them, so delightful and peaceful to read.
Thank you for sharing your observation and serenity and shaping it into something wonderful.
Love Mand xxxxxx
raj
Fri, 2011-07-15 15:15
Mand its is good of you to
Mand its is good of you to visit these Haikus ..glad to know it created a feeling of serenity...which in fact is the theme of these mesmeric moments....
much love..
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentraj
Fri, 2011-07-15 15:16
You did see the frog leap?.
You did see the frog leap?..lol...i thought it was too much of an anti climax so i made the frog leap outta of the way....thanks for the read and comment...
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentraj
Sun, 2011-07-17 05:20
Ian..
i must say you have made a hilarious limerick out of the mouse that went missing from my write..i am glad that it got into your head :)...
cheers..
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentraj
Sun, 2011-07-17 06:44
Ian
even if it is not yours thankls for sharing this song..it is hilarious..i wasn;t in the know of it..
cheers..
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentraj
Sun, 2011-07-24 15:45
Thanks Ian for this update on
Thanks Ian for this update on the song...
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentmagics02
Fri, 2011-07-15 20:25
Ocean
I regret not visiting you and I am glad I did this evening. This is vivid to me and I wish there was a picture to go with it. Well wait a minute there is. In my mind I seen this and I heard it and it was just grand. Your poetry has taken on a life of its own and I admire you for it.
Great job
Blessings
Mona
raj
Sun, 2011-07-17 05:21
Dearest Mona
thank you for the read and your comment...nice to know you enjoyed it...
much love..
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentscribbler
Fri, 2011-07-15 23:17
hi raj
Here was old denseness having to have mand point out this was a Haiku series lol. And they were most descriptive also. Had you considered writing another to use at end that would supply a completion to the thoughts? Of course this might just be my weary eyes not seeing..............stanPS in my opinion a haiku series that reads well as a poem is quite a good thing
raj
Sun, 2011-07-17 06:58
Hi Stan
thank you for the read and comment...yes..i knew that there was a missing link and i have now spruced it up with addition of a couple of more stanzas for bringing about..as rightly suggested by you "completion to the thoughts"...
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentCCfire
Sun, 2011-07-17 06:55
This made me want to be
This made me want to be inside this painting of a day and it's characters. It immerses the reader to be right there and seeing it all unfold.
Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche
raj
Sun, 2011-07-17 07:00
Chez
thanks for the read and your comment...it makes my day when accomplished writers like you visit my page and find this worthy of a read...
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentweirdelf
Tue, 2011-07-19 08:39
Read as a series of haikus, this really works.
Read as a complete poem it is rather cliched and a tad empty.
Does this tell us something about form and meaning?
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
raj
Tue, 2011-07-19 14:30
Jess
it is an attempt to express the good things many of us tend to miss out in the largely material world...thank you for the read ....it is appreciated..
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentraj
Tue, 2011-07-19 23:34
Hi Chrys
thank you for the read and the comment...good to know it did bring about a calming effect....some find it effective while others find it empty... but that's understandable given the diversity of thoughts and appeal...
what is new in Olympic Pool workshop?...
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentloved
Wed, 2011-07-20 00:37
where did the frog vanish???
back homewards??
who asked you to castrate it
the frog ...added natural beauty
a combined version of man with nature
never listen to anyone
in such matters t
he original charm is lost....Raj
loved
pleiades
Wed, 2011-07-20 01:31
raj, there is a lovely
raj, there is a lovely serenity about this poem
as i began to read, i felt no need to view it
from a critique stand-point...rather, i was very
content to simply lose myself in the imagery
your words presented
peaceful
calm
content
very lovely raj
a real pleasure to read
cheers
p
raj
Wed, 2011-07-20 14:59
Hi Pleiades
good to see you visit my page ..thanks for the read and comment...happy to know you enjoyed the tranquility of dawn and the imagery...
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentCandlewitch
Wed, 2011-07-20 11:24
Dear raj,
I didn't see the leaping frog :( somehow I missed it, LOL! But these are wonderful little glimpses into life.
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
loved
Wed, 2011-07-20 14:31
SORRY FOR MY BUTTing in
Please ask him to repeat those lines,
It was a wonderful thought,
A comparison of animal with human domain,
The frog in ones masculinity
In the privacy of inner prison does remain
A cliché of a kind does sustain
His wish,
The frog well let Raj’s words reign
loved
raj
Wed, 2011-07-20 15:06
Dearest Cat...
Congratulations on your workshop poems deservedly getting published in the July Newsletter...many would be able to read and appreciate it...
thank you for the read and your appreciative comments...
Oh! the Frog was a humorous end piece i had initially posted to express my amazement at the tranquil mood and the beautiful images created at dawn...which read something like this:
I frog leaped from bed
my pajamas dropping down
around my ankles
but i dropped this stanza because i thought it quite an anti climax disturbing the tranquility...lol...
much love..
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentloved
Wed, 2011-07-20 16:55
Frog leaped from bed
Frog leaped from bed
My pajamas dropping down
Around my ankles........................................
If I was you and proud of my
FROG, IN THE CONTAINS
AS MORNING WOOD
That the FROG daily maintains
I would release the frog,
From its prison walls and free it
Like any one would
And
Let it hop as we all do
And
Tranquilly those who haven't such a frog,
Would you woo.....
Place it back and restore the poor frog
And
More will love it of that I'm sure
But
RAJ IF NONE ELSE does hold
YOUR HAND,
I will do for sure.
Hello ole frog now come and play,
The sun is sunnier, today
Than twas yesterday
loved
Candlewitch
Fri, 2011-07-22 11:58
Dear raj,
Thanks for clearing that up, :) LOL!
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
loved
Fri, 2011-07-22 13:34
DEAR RAJ
See how a cliche helped
a DIM WIT LIKE, LOVED
AND THE FROG IS STILL....
LEAPING BACK AND FORTH
AND
SO MANY POEMS HAVE BEEN CAST
THANK GOD
THE POETRYCLASSES
HAVE BEEN SO VAST
loved
Barbara Writes
Mon, 2011-07-25 03:08
Hey Raj
this is just a beautiful poem. i see why you have 34 comment.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
raj
Mon, 2011-07-25 14:28
Hi Barbara
thank you for the read and your appreciative comment...don't go by the numbers of comments..half are perhaps my responses to those who cared to stop by for a read...
your signature line talks about workshops but i believe there are no workshops going around right now..are they?...please let me know if there are..to my knowledge all have completed their course..
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentloved
Sun, 2011-08-14 14:08
i liked u for
ignoring all my comments
but still i obseve
u haven't done after that last one
twas eras,nay aeons ago
when next friend ???
will come another fall
anxiously awaiting ittttttttt
twas only one frog after all
loved
Barbara Writes
Tue, 2011-09-13 03:11
You are something else
Having difficulty right now. So I can't comment as I usually do but will be back on track soon. Trying to get use to these two new classes so I can set a study plan that will help me pass. With the grades I would like. Nothing less than a "A" I am on here trying to stay on top of where neopoet is at the moment. Bear with me.
Thank you for responding and letting me know how you feel. Sometimes I don't understand what it is you mean and I tend to procrastinated as to not offend when I am not sure how to respond To things
Much love Neopoet Friend
Barbara
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
raj
Tue, 2011-09-13 14:51
Dear Barbara
my very best wishes to you for success in your exams...
much love...
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentraj
Tue, 2011-09-13 14:52
Hi Rosina
thanks for the read and your appreciative comment...
much love..
raj (sublime_ocean)
author comment