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Irene (ver 1.0)

Submitted by raj on Sun, 2011-08-28 10:27

(Please read "last few words")

why are you so enraged
leaving all in your trail
frail, fragile, screwed?

are you a nymph
aroused by titillation
of amorous waves?

Bah! you symbolize
feminine beauty and beast
in such stark contrast

once you sate your lust
you will breeze upon the ramp
like a beauty queen

Style / type: 
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
I wish to clarify that the Irene in this poem has no mythological connection but is just personification of hurricane Irene
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

raj

Sun, 2011-08-28 11:09

thank you for the read..appreciate your thoughtful comment...

much love..

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

Dalton

Sun, 2011-08-28 14:53

I like it all but the word "ramp" in the last verse seems strange. Did you mean "rampage" or am I way of. Aside from that my favourite part is actually the last line "like a beauty queen". Nature is beautiful but so coldly destructive. She is as indiscriminate in who she cares for as to who she hurts. Where as people do discriminate. We plunder her for the materials that power our machines and poison her oceans and her atmosphere. A powerful piece of writing with moments of beauty. ThanX for sharing.

John

raj

Sun, 2011-08-28 15:02

thank you for the read and thoughtful comments...

i have attempted to bring out both sides "beauty (breeze) and the beast (hurricane)..in this personification of Irene....hence the reference to her welcome beauty as if she is breezing past on a "ramp" as models do in a fashion parade...perhaps that part did not come out well enough in appeal...

appreciate your visit to my page...

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

Dalton

Sun, 2011-08-28 15:09

Ah I know better now. I should have thought a little harder before commenting.

Ta Mate

raj

Sun, 2011-08-28 15:12

Smiles...

good to know it made sense on a re-read...

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment
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