deviously iridescent
painfully unblemished.
I deplorably repent
all that I’ve relished
dazed in confusion,
lost in disguise
cleansed in ablution, yet,
dead from inside.
awaiting circulation
of all I’ve tried to hide
the image in the mirror
blurry and distraught
overhauled with feelings
that I have long fought
I see, I pray, I wonder
if this is really me
or a mendacious fraud
as I fight to overcome
all that you applaud

my courage, it’s fallacious
my patience is fictitious
everything that I am
a desire- so audacious
and as I look, I wonder
just what I have become
in this abyss I ponder
if this is what’s to come
the outline of the mirror,
it is me no more
as I fight to regain
what I was before
a feeble attempt to face
the eyes, red with guilt
I wonder why I defaced
all that I ever built
this man- with his scrawny eyes
this man is not me
or maybe it is I,
just half the man I used to be

in a rebellious shell, I pray,
I am not what I seem
I’m merely that little boy
who lives in his own little dream
in an overfed exterior
with petrified, muffled screams
it may be too much to say,
but I wish you could see
inside I’m the same old kid
trying to be twice the half of me..