An enjoyable detailed story. The rhyme is correct as is the syllable count. But it still does not flow like it should. Wish I could pinpoint the reason and it may have to do with what a lot of the more schooled here call stressed syllables.If you get this where it reads smoothly when read aloud it has the bones of being very good poetry. It has detail, clear imagery, it is based on actual experience. Maybe someone else will be of more help..........scribbler PS of course it could just be I'm reading it wrong

I believe this is very good but I think you need breaks in it so the reader can take a breath to follow the rythm of the AA, BB of the poem
.
one other thing is this correct;

" But I been paid and gotta get it done"
should it be like this
"But I've been paid and gotta get it done.

Eddie
.

(and I'm not a stickler, unless they buck the poem from its saddle)
I fuckin' love this! Visceral is the word that comes to mind. The fact that you bring your bodily functions bravely to play with your emotions is quite unique.

Way my favourite lines are
"But somehow we get bridled ere it’s noon.
I think he’s only gazin’ at the moon
and settin’ up to take a careful aim.
He’s gonna launch me high and try to maim."
[but this line needs work. Maim needs to be transitive in context]
They anthropomorphise the colt perfectly! It's youth, playfulness, wickedness and strength.
Reminds my of a girl I used to go out with [sighs]

You're going to get as many conflicting opinions as readers on Neopoet but paradoxes aren't necessarily irreconciliable! [grins] Just always be careful when experimenting with suggested changes and ideas to keep the gestalt of the poem in mind, not just the line or word.

Oh, the title, very appropriate reference, but consider the spelling similarity between friend and fiend, perhaps even consider extending the reference with a pun
"Once more into the breach, dear fiend"

ALL STALWARTS have commented

So I feel better to withdraw,
Lest wrath I draw,
But the length is as long as horses
Many in reality may adore,
But they will do so in poetry
I ain't too sure
So show what have you a bit,
Twill be better
A sure bull hit

I will do my best to provide you with an honest review of this work. Please keep in mind that most critiques are subjective and opinion weighs heavily with each reader.   

One thing that might assist readers with this work would be to incorporate line breaks.  Break where you want a reader to pause or where you would like him to stop to begin a new idea.

For example:

"It’s Tuesday and I gotta mount that colt.
The groundwork’s not gone well --
(he tends to bolt.)**                   

But I been paid and gotta get it done.
We only need to walk --
don’t wanna run."

 **(almost an aside whisper - I would italicize the line, but there was no way to do that here that I could see)

And that is only an example which could probably use some work as well.

"He’s cinched up slow as always. That’s our way.
The greenhorns think he only wants to play.
They point with greenhorn fingers while they laugh
when flips his damn, fool head like some giraffe."

The last two lines feel/sound awkward.

Perhaps?

"He bobs and flips his head like some giraffe;
and rookies point their fingers while they laugh.
Those greenhorns think he only wants to play.
He's cinched-up slowly 'cuz that's just our way."

For the most part, you have a terrific tale to tell in lovely rhymed couplets.  I love the iambic pentameter and the use of dialect and language to enhance the mood of this poem.  

My main advice would be to break this up some to stay away from the "wall of words" and work the lines until they sing smoothly without losing your meaning.

I hope you have found this critique to be positive and helpful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and absorb your words. ~Pamela

i came by
as i read it as

beach

that's where i'd love to be
horses or trainers
twill is ok for me

enjoyable read! So good I read it twice!

Namaste,

Lenny

"He bites at me and damn near doesn’t miss
and now, of course, I need to take a piss.
This happens every time. Can’t tell you why.
The bladder fills up fast though mouth is dry."

I rode ponies and one called Rocket always blew himself up as I put on the saddle, then he did, like yours, try to bite my arse, so I had to hold the bridle tightly the other way; then one day he jumped a small jump with me and we did a complete sommersault, lazy thing, but away he shot leaving me quite okay holding the whole bridle in my hand in surprise. Always he dawdled behind the others(school out in the Cotswolds 1953) the he would see that they had goe far ahead and SHOOT after them almost leaving me where I was, the little demon, as am Aunt used to say.
I may comment later but wanted to put this in, I laughed at this.

Love Ann.

Hi Wesley, are you a bit of a *horse whisperer*, that helps, I am told; my daughter and I are, although we come into contact with horses rarely. She's more of a dog (she rescues and rehabilitates them) and I have been accused of being a people one.

I am not as you might have guessed, prone to writing poems in rhyme, but appreciate the effort when it effortlessly works, so I'll let those who know what they are talking about go about their business. It seems to me your epic of a poem Çaço, Man of the Morning Star, Canto One, Two & Three reminds me of *Secretariat* (which Barry & I enjoyed immensely) part 1, slow, part two gains speed, and part three wins.

I'll be re-reading these in their entirety today, will offer further comments.

BTW, one needs to piss, because one's kidneys have been jostled about, me thinks, cowboy. ;-)

~A

Oh I have commented before ...
I think you could do a bit of work on this and 'stramme det opp' they say here tighten it up, or perhaps discard the parts that are too obvious, and the rhymes that feel slightly contrived to fit the sound, making themselves stand out uncomfortably, like the bumps on your knees when you fall. You have obviously ridden as I have too, I know the horse, like one called Rocket at school, who jumped with me leaving me on the ground with the harness in my hand!

Ah the lovely beasts they are such companions one forgives the odd diversion from comfort doesn't one Wesley?
I must look at the Epic again although I am soon off to Bonnie Scotland, in four days time, there I shall attempt to live a new epic journey of my own. :) Love from Ann of N.