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One Final Thing
Memory flickers pale and bright
across dark future plains
of life still seen through lens
of hope, yet soon denied,
delights of flesh and feelings
once filled with urgency of need
now on oblivion's nearing edge
of certain end do ride,
every part of being part
of what you are now frays
against approaching end of days
beyond which no life can abide,
and from the absolute of end
there is no fleeing nor escape,
no frantic pleas for life's addition
or hopeful compromise.
Yet through our tears there is one final
thing that you must know before I leave:
beyond my life's alotted time, I will wait
for you, my light, upon the other side.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Author information
Region & Country
Earth Vicinity (within a five light-year radius)
Favorite Poets
John Donne, T.S. Eliot, Serendipity, Emily Dickenson, Kailashana, Charles Bukowski, Kabir, Rett, Dalton, W. B. Yeats, William Blake, Rainer Maria Rilke, and many other Neopoet poets; Neopoet has heavily influenced my poetry and my ability to write it well.
Comments
Roscoe Lane
Tue, 2011-03-08 04:19
Read out loud,
Read out loud this is stunning to hear, I can't find anything i would change. This is a great poem . Regards Roscoe..
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
Race_9togo
Tue, 2011-03-08 04:26
Roscoe
Thank you sir; coming from you, that is compliment indeed.
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
author commentRace_9togo
Tue, 2011-03-08 04:59
My friend
it pleases me beyond words to see you back...but pace yourself, Oz lady, I would rather not see you return to the dark place you so narrowly avoided, if you take my meaning.
<large virtual hug>
Thank you for your enjoyment Jayne, lol. When you cannot find fault, we both know how meticulous the attempt to do so was!
The ending is a thing I told my wife a while back, as we both know that I will most likely proceed her.
Of course, I have no intention of letting that happen, but life is, well, life, you know? LOL hell, I KNOW you do.
I just re-read 'Finding God', and still it shines.
My love to you and yours, Jayne-Chloe...and tell me, what is the status of your book?
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
author commentRace_9togo
Tue, 2011-03-08 14:53
Thanks Rosina,
I was never much of a one for long-term relationship myself - they were just another reason for people to feel better about themselves, and hurt others - until I met my wife. I will feel worse than bad if I am left alone, but it's worth it.
Glad you enjoyed this one!
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
author commentAyaz Warith
Wed, 2011-03-09 03:30
Dearest Jim, how lovely this
Dearest Jim, how lovely this final thing is! I love its imagery in the inception and poet's pain in the end. I really love the final stanza, Jim.
Keep up the good work. Great.
Regards
Ayaz
Race_9togo
Fri, 2011-03-11 03:51
Salaam Ayaz,
Thank you for your enjoyment and kind words, my friend.
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
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