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Displeasure
Displeasure
I walk within trees
in a city of lust,
people carry music
on their backs.
Tired eyes keep
leading me, there will
be time, relax.
What now dances
before me, pleasure,
had until then
always shown me
a highest disregard.
The afternoon sun
flashes bright against
their cross,
a flame of reason glints
in Notre Dame.
On the table
wine glasses,
remain unturned.
What of the friendship
lost here as pertinent
points were not
taken well ?
Pencils got drawn
people dissected
badly cut.
It may well end here,
tell me not to care.
For heart
and mind both
have weights, neither
will share.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
Our failure their gain..
Editing stage:
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Comments
Kailashana2
Mon, 2011-03-07 08:53
This is truly an excellent
This is truly an excellent poem, Roscoe. I would only change one word: I walk as trees do in a city of lust or I walk with trees ( as you walk the trees seem to be walking with you, no ?)
~A
Roscoe Lane
Mon, 2011-03-07 10:20
Thank you,
Thank you, i appreciate your comments and your critique, thinking about it at this moment i thought of through. I walk through trees. But i will certainly give it more thought. Again thank you. Love Roscoe..
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
author commentRoscoe Lane
Mon, 2011-03-07 14:19
I have,
I have gone with within, as i feel this works best. Love Roscoe...
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
author commentRoscoe Lane
Mon, 2011-03-07 10:26
Anna was,
Anna was correct, it was a play on words, and the school i went to we were lucky to be taught words.Never mind what words got used the most, but i understand where your coming from. Thank you for your time and comments. Regards Roscoe..
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
author commentKailashana2
Mon, 2011-03-07 09:34
Pencils got drawn.
Pencils got drawn.
Use your imagination Ian. .....usually pencils do the drawing.
That's poetry when words and images are used in unique ways. Barry is an expert at this. Read his stuff.
~A
Roscoe Lane
Mon, 2011-03-07 10:29
I will,
I will have a look at this website when i have more time, Again i thank you for your time and intrest Regards Roscoe...
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
author commentRoscoe Lane
Tue, 2011-03-08 13:09
Thank you,
Thank you Rosi, your comments and support are always welcomed, and appreciated greatly. Love Roscoe...
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
author commentRoscoe Lane
Tue, 2011-03-08 13:15
Thank you,
Thank you Jane for your kind words, its good to have you back. I hope you are feeling well. Love Roscoe..
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
author comment