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Stormy Existence

Submitted by Barbara Writes on Sat, 2011-03-05 00:17

Stormy Existence

Like a snail that emerges from her shell
She doesn’t deal victorious with her life
Looking around at the many heartbreaks
She seeks its haven of life sanctuary
From the full sting of this world’s reality

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Thanks Ian, your comment inspired in me this piece.
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

magics02

Sat, 2011-03-05 00:35

Stormy Existence - nice title for this subtle write. I found many ways to relate to it. The sting of reality is all around us. Great write

Mona

Barbara Writes

Sat, 2011-03-05 00:40

Barbara Writes's picture
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Glad you stopped by and commented. I am happy you liked it. I feel confident many others will relate in their personal way also'

thanks

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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author comment

weirdelf

Sat, 2011-03-05 03:11

weirdelf's picture
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I'm sure you've felt like this before, but I sense so much strength and confidence in you at the moment that you're probably dining on escargot.

I particularly like the insight of-
Looking around at the many heartbreaks
She seeks its haven of life sanctuary

so many use their heartbreak as an excuse, a refuge, from further life risks.

Just one suggestion, do you think a stronger word than "stings" might work better?

You've put a lot in five lines here Barbara.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

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