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Good riddance

Submitted by lou on Fri, 2011-03-04 20:58

Jagged incision
Without precision,
or medical intervention

Bloody red gash
Sliced into wrist,
Oozing the vital fluid.

Losing the will to live,
losing consciousness
Fuck this world.

Good riddance

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
I warn those that are cluless to ignore this poem, fuck with me at your peril, I've had enough shit.
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

lou

Fri, 2011-03-04 23:37

lou's picture

Thanks

Love Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

scribbler

Fri, 2011-03-04 22:01

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Could well be the last thoughts of a suicide. As to shit, I keep a small bag of dried bullshit handy so I don't have to take any from others lol................scribbler

lou

Fri, 2011-03-04 23:35

lou's picture

I love you, I think you're great.

Much love Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

magics02

Fri, 2011-03-04 23:42

How are things going in here. Missed reading all of you and just stopping in and seen this the first post. I will try to get on this weekend and write something.

Hope all is well by you

Love and miss you

Magics

lou

Fri, 2011-03-04 23:44

lou's picture

I'll pm you

Love lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

lou

Sat, 2011-03-05 05:59

lou's picture

Thank you , as always a lovely comment.

love lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

KINGZOMBIE

Sat, 2011-03-05 05:09

KINGZOMBIE's picture

I love the darkness of this write, it probably is the last scene of many lives.I loved it lou,

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?"

lou

Sat, 2011-03-05 06:02

lou's picture

Thank you, some would say that I should lighten up LOL !!!!

Love Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

lou

Sat, 2011-03-05 06:22

lou's picture

Thank you , it's a mixture of personal feelings and fiction.

lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

lou

Sun, 2011-03-06 03:56

lou's picture

thank you

lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

Candlewitch

Tue, 2011-03-08 11:28

Candlewitch's picture
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In these lines:

Jagged incision without
Without precision,

I think it would read better without one of the "without"(s)

A chilling little write. I think it would be interesting if you recorded a thought from the last moment of action, such as:

Last moment of hope
All has come before
Desperation brings clarity

or something like that,

This is a good piece of depressing poetry.

love, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

lou

Tue, 2011-03-08 12:58

lou's picture

thank you

i'll give it some thought.

love lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment
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