Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Our Love
Our Love
Like the sun shining at day break
on mountain peaks standing tall
Under white clouds moving quietly
Amid blue skies in stormy seasons
Our love makes lonely hearts
Wish for one more chance at love
Like rivers running wider than the eyes can see
Where the sunset falls slowly into deep valleys
Under reddish heavens resilient colors
Streaking the wind driven seas
Our love makes lonely hearts
Wish for one more chance at love
Like the full moon’s brilliant orange circle
Hanging low on a February evening
Under a darkening cosmic atmosphere
Shedding light for creatures’ night hunting
Our love makes lonely hearts
Wish for one more chance at love
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
Taking a break from studying to write this and connect with My friends at Neoport.
Studying hard writing programs for my Cobol Programming class. A brain busting class. Also doing projects for my End User support class. Both tough classes and teachers are really busting our brains. No breaks this semester. So far a B in Cobol and End user support. We are half way through with eight weeks to go. Whew
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
User login
Author information
Region & Country
United States
Favorite Poets
Billy Collins, Shakespeare, Emily Dickinson, Whitman, Jess Tapper
Comments
Barbara Writes
Fri, 2011-03-04 23:19
Hi Bee
appreciate. I think it sound good with your omit suggestions.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
author commentweirdelf
Fri, 2011-03-04 05:35
Wonderfully lucid Barbara
mmm, if this is what learning Cobol does for your poetry maybe I should take a course myself!
I'm not sure if those words exactly are the ones I would edit, but I agree with Bee that some slight pruning could tighten it up.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Barbara Writes
Fri, 2011-03-04 23:25
Hey Jess
I appreciate your comment. What would you suggest. i'm sure it would make this a good write also.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
author commentweirdelf
Fri, 2011-03-04 23:42
no no no
that's entirely your choice, just look closely, listen closely, consider the meaning and the sound, you know the drill.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Barbara Writes
Sat, 2011-03-05 00:36
Yeah I do
thanks for the reminder. I must pay attention more to the meaning and sound. Just wonder what you thought, don't mean I will change the meaning.
cheers
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
author commentscribbler
Sat, 2011-03-05 08:37
hi
was wondering what had happened to you. a very enjoyable write...................scribbler
Barbara Writes
Mon, 2011-03-07 00:27
hi scribbler
college classes has much of my time. I'm trying to get pass these many projects and programs, rough but enjoying the learning
thanks for stopping by and commenting. I appreciate it much
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
author comment