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A voice in natural wilderness.
A voice in natural wilderness…
If nature could speak what would it say,
could it’s comments be about us today.
Would it say greedy,
or merely lost.
Maybe say needy
not understanding cost.
Perhaps it would shout,
death to a planet.
Caused by the ones telling the lie,
that a god had began it.
That man on this planet,
just should not be.
You just don’t belong here,
why can’t we see.
Harmony with each living thing,
that’s all that I asked.
If this had been followed
all would have basked.
But you greedy bastard humans,
just wanted to much
Killing all you encounter
with an avaricious touch.
If this was to be nature’s
first and final speech.
Before taking all,
out of our reach.
What about us, would we applaud?
or merely acknowledge it with a nod?
We’d better have an answer,
and have it soon.
Because if we don’t,
we’re about to have nature
turn the earth, into a moon…..
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
I know nature speaks in many other ways, but what if it had a human voice...
Editing stage:
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Comments
Roscoe Lane
Wed, 2011-03-02 18:05
Thank you,
Thank you Shirl, I just don't understand politicians they'll always go with big business, no matter the cost. I think that's happening in Lybia right now. I hope i'm wrong. Love Roscoe..
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
author commentweirdelf
Fri, 2011-03-04 00:46
ask Mona, who lives there.
She says its being done to them by big business, not their politicians going with big business.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Roscoe Lane
Fri, 2011-03-04 03:36
I have,
I have heard from Mona and she has told me what is going on in Lybia. Regards Roscoe.
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
author commentweirdelf
Fri, 2011-03-04 00:50
Before even the poem,
I love that tag! "Poverty is the exhaust fumes, left by wealth."
I admit envy. Whenever I want to make a simple, forthright statement, expressed with elegance and dignity, about a subject of world shattering importance, I end up sounding like a cranky old bastard, instead of just like this.
just wanted to much [just wanted too much]
I'm pretty sure few of us would have the humility or grace to admit we would applaud or merely acknowledge it with a nod. But then I guess that's another reason my poems like this fail, I forget to finesse with a touch of irony.
Do you think though, maybe you could do something with that last line? boom?
it's a pity
"not with a bang but a whimper"
has been taken.
Oh, remember a while ago I posted a blog condemning the use of superlatives in applauding poetry? Well I've just fuckin' deleted it, brilliant job man.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Roscoe Lane
Fri, 2011-03-04 03:39
Thank you,
The tag was one of those things that popped out of my head while writing, i thought it was good so it stuck. Thank you for your praise of the poem, and i will certainly think about the ending. Regards Roscoe...
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
author commentRoscoe Lane
Fri, 2011-03-04 04:22
I have,
I have been thinking about the last verse since Jess commented, and have rewritten an ending. Hope this is better. Thank you for your kind praise . Regards Roscoe...
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
author commentRoscoe Lane
Fri, 2011-03-04 04:24
Thank you,
Thank you for your comments about our earth, and the kind praise. Regards Roscoe...
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
author commentweirdelf
Fri, 2011-03-04 04:38
oh yes!
A much better ending.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry