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Neopoet Weekly 05/26/24 to 06/01/24 Contest Winner!
Congratulations to Shelby Pryor for winning this week’s contest
Something New
Rain rushes from the skies
Mixing with a single tear
The wind cuts through
Like every doubt, every fear
Lightning shatters my peace
Like the pieces of my mind
A distant thunderclap mocks
Of the girl I was and left behind
A tornado rages in my head
Demolishing my peace and joy
I plaster on a smile for you,
But it's just a tactic I employ
The fear paralyzes my heart
Yet I'm so tired of being afraid
It is time to get up and fight
Before my resolve starts to fade
My fingers curl around my sword
I lift it high, I've got my armor on
I bring it down with all my strength
Until the shattered pieces are gone
There is no fixing the girl I was
No use in buying time with glue
The only solution is to shatter her
And forge with fire Something New
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Comments
Michael Anthony
Sun, 2024-06-02 09:16
Congrats on your poem Shelby!
Congrats on your poem Shelby! Wonderful capture of your journey from a troubled past to realizing you have the strength to let go and become a stronger person forged from adversity - well done!
Best
Michael Anthony
Alex Tanner
Mon, 2024-06-03 14:31
Hello Shelby.
I really enjoyed the power of this piece, However', there is always a 'however' or 'but', there are many ways, I feel, that would really make it drive at a pace. I always read poems as if acting them and while I do not, generally make suggestions this piece is so good I must. I will keep them brief so if you want to go over it again, and I hope you will they will help.
First verse, 3rd line. describe the wind, not just 'the wind', how about 'iced wind' or something along those lines?. The same goes for a few other lines where the article could be changed to a more descriptive, powerful word. However it is not my job to rewrite the poem for you so I will end by saying you were a very worthy winner. Alex
zuella
Wed, 2024-06-19 22:13
This is a beautifully tragic
This is a beautifully tragic piece. I really resonate with a lot of what you are saying, and youre right, there really is no fixing her, reforge and start fresh. I really liked how instead of solving it with something like love or some other random useless idea, you ended her. you ended her and made a new one, thats a great show of strength both within the poem and within you. The imagery was amazing, i liked the metaphors and i liked the style you wrote in.
The normal fear the poets and the poets fear the normal.
Thank you for your time!
-Zuella