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Green Eyes
The beauty in your green eyes
Steals and it seals,
The beauty of your heart
As well
If only I wish
I was much younger, than still
Your beauty I'd devour at will
But it’s too late in my life,
The sun is about to set,
The horizon is far, distant away…
I can't stay,
Even if you want me to play
My good times have lapsed
And passed away
Some other time,
We shall meet, we hope
And
in your life flowers will someone lay
Who with your loveliest eyes can play?
Adieu ma'am,
My times up
I can't your eyes ever cup...
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
loved
Sat, 2011-12-03 08:39
Hello Ian, thanks a million
any better now,
hopefully yes..
loved
wesley snow
Sat, 2011-12-03 12:47
Too sad.
Too real. Honest and gentle, simple even. I see nothing I would alter. istan
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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loved
Sun, 2011-12-04 03:27
You All polish me as a scored of
brass vessel,
which makes much noise ,
but is loud and clear
when suitably polished
loved
weirdelf
Sat, 2011-12-03 22:29
See why I can't stay away from you?
You might feel attacked by me at times but it's a compulsion that takes me when I read lesser works by those who I know can do better.
I am touched.
This is definitely one of the better.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
loved
Sat, 2011-12-03 22:29
Thanks the credit goes
to you .Have a good day
loved
weirdelf
Sun, 2011-12-04 04:31
no very sincerely, the credit goes to you
maybe I provoke you in some ways, but you write the poetry.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
loved
Sun, 2011-12-04 22:35
Thanks.... the credit goes,
still goes to you .
Without a master ,
no student can produce
the invaluable goods.
loved
scribbler
Sun, 2011-12-04 23:20
hi
Stanza 2, line 2.........I think the afore mentioned problem might reside in the word "than". Have you considered changing it to then or maybe deleting it? I agree with those above that this is one of your better poems..........stan
loved
Mon, 2011-12-05 03:04
Than still has
an implication that
i am now ...still .. half incomplete breathless perhaps sentence
and thanks for ur lovely words all of you...
loved