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Too much
rising from another crises
one more squeeze of heart
that should have killed but did not
I awake, and think of nothing
restraints untied, I feel along
the tubes and wires snaking down my throat
nurses hovering, ready to stop me
should I decide to pull
with the hardness on my fingertips
choking off my voice
I wonder why I am still alive
and wish that I was not
Last few words:
Back
Editing stage:
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Comments
lou
Tue, 2011-08-09 00:20
Hey Jim
A very depressing piece, feels very real. Feels so personal and for that reason i find it hard to critique. But I guess it has done it's job because it made me feel.
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
Race_9togo
Wed, 2011-08-10 14:08
Thanks Lou
Its getting better
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
magics02
Tue, 2011-08-09 10:38
Jim
I stopped in to read this and I hope you are fine and this is not about you. If it is I send you my get well wishes. I had a feeling something was not up with you as the spirit moved me to write this comment. At this time I am unsure of the correct comment here also so I am praying you are doing okay if this is indeed about you my friend. Don't pull the chord. Continue your stronghold on whatever it is and live.
Blessings
Mona
xox
Race_9togo
Wed, 2011-08-10 14:09
Thanks Mona
I'm OK, just feeling sorry for myself, is all.
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
Race_9togo
Wed, 2011-08-10 14:10
Thanks Rosi
Things are better. looks like you're doing pretty well! A good thing.
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
scribbler
Wed, 2011-08-10 20:30
hi Jim
I expect there are many who have been brought back to life who would have preferred not to. you captured this well. Hope not autobiographical...........stan
Race_9togo
Mon, 2011-08-15 19:43
Hi Stan
Thanks for your comment.
I'm afraid it is, but I think the worst is now behind me, again.
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
magics02
Wed, 2011-08-10 21:20
Race
My dear friend this is for you and anyone else that you want to share it with. It is one of my friends. Thinking of you and soon you will be up on the mend honey. You are too good of a person to go anywhere and Ms Mona knows you will be fine
Blessings of love sent to you
Click on this link. It is relaxing and beautiful to you from me.
http://youtu.be/-fnzXdmvRmw
Magics Mona
Race_9togo
Mon, 2011-08-15 19:45
Thanks Mona
Much appreciated. Hopefully, I'll get back to writing more frequently, in a bit.
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
Candlewitch
Sat, 2011-08-13 10:20
Dear Jim
You've no idea how frightening this piece is! But very well written. I hope that all is well with you. Today is the first anniversary of my death and rebirth. I am thinking of you.
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Race_9togo
Mon, 2011-08-15 19:46
Hey thanks Cat,
Its good to see how you have overcome that illness. I'm nearly there too!
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
loved
Sun, 2011-08-14 12:39
we must not despair
but continue to live
in hope always
loved
Race_9togo
Mon, 2011-08-15 19:47
Thanks loved
Thanks loved
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
Candlewitch
Thu, 2011-08-25 08:53
Dear Jim,
I just came by to see how you are fairing. Are you having a busy summer? It will be good have you back again. Take care.
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Race_9togo
Thu, 2011-09-01 15:51
Hey Cat,
I'm doing better, almost ready to go back to work.
Actually, more than ready; I'm going nuts twiddling my thumbs at home!
Thanks.
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
Kailashana2
Thu, 2011-08-25 09:11
Did you not think God or Love
Did you not think God or Love would be not in the bottom of your despair?
That's what makes poets....lot's of dark nights of the soul! Though after awhile, like drunks,
we get sober.
May all beings be free from suffering and the causes of suffering.
~A
Race_9togo
Thu, 2011-09-01 15:52
lol
The gods are always at the bottom of it!
Thanks Anna
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
Dalton
Sun, 2011-08-28 18:44
Hi Jim
This is a true story? Well take comfort there are many here who care for you in your sorrow and joy. Altogether this write certainly made me care for the author. So I guess it did its job as well as yourown catharsis. Sorry there is no crit but I don't see there is any necessary.
John
Race_9togo
Thu, 2011-09-01 15:54
Thanks John
Yeah, its true. My heart tries to kill me every couple of years, but I keep giving it the finger! lol
Not so bad this time though.
Thanks man.
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
weirdelf
Fri, 2011-09-02 07:02
I seldom re-write a poem, but need to here.
rising from another crises
one more squeeze of heart
that should have killed but did not
I awake, and think of nothing [more]
restraint[s]s untied, I feel along
the tubes and wires snaking down my throat
nurses hovering, ready to stop me
should I decide to pull [it out]
with the hardness on my fingertips
choking off my voice
I wonder why I am still alive
and wish that I was not.
[Now I'm going to add my own verse.]
There is only my addiction
to my perfectly addition
why die when life gives more?
You sad, sorry sore.
Fogive me. I have lived the ideation of suicide and it's bloody stipid here.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Race_9togo
Sat, 2011-09-03 02:52
Jess
Frankly, I dislike it when other's do re-write's of my work.
But when you do it, I set aside my trepidation and annoyance, and read without bias.
I like your last verse; it is you through and through. But I will not change what I have, as it is me.
In the first two stanzas, I think adding words makes the piece too prosaic, which as you know - having been one of those poets who taught me this - I work diligently to avoid.
So I think I'll leave things as they are, but do not, please, stop telling me what you think, and how you think things should change. You insight and expertise are things I value a great deal, and often show themselves in my work.
Thank you my friend.
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
weirdelf
Sat, 2011-09-03 03:05
my sincere apologies.
I normally only do this when there are so many corrections to be made it is easier to copy the poem into the reply and add the corrections there.
You deserve more respect than this.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Race_9togo
Sat, 2011-09-03 03:09
Apologies are unnecessary my friend,
But always accepted. Keep doing what you do, for I am selfish, I wish to be better, and you cause this to be.
Thanks again
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo